


In Somnis Veritas

by espiritus



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Age Difference, Angst and Feels, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Feels, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, Loss, Memories, Pansexual Character, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Romance-ish, Ruby is an idiot, based on some dream i had last night, i'm not crying, maybe both, or a glutton for punishment, probably some smut, you're crying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2020-05-31 05:30:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 22,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19419439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/espiritus/pseuds/espiritus
Summary: In somnis veritas- in dreams, there is truth.The Mojave Wasteland holds many memories for Ruby- the fiery Courier Six, who sided with Caesar's Legion, got a little too close to its leader, and was heartbroken when he died. She then led her beloved Legion to their demise at the second battle of Hoover Dam, and was one of just a handful to make it out alive.Twenty years later, Ruby has returned to Nevada, to reclaim her home from the "cold, dead hands" of the NCR. But is she prepared for the ghosts that await her there?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I had some really weird dreams last night; this sequel to Ruby's story was one of them. 
> 
> Not sure how many chapters this will be; just testing the waters for now.
> 
> Theme: [Undone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPaQ3N_89KA) by Fleurie

#### Now:

Cottonwood Cove is a ghost town. Empty cabins line the coast, red and gold flags still fluttering in the breeze, and Ruby shivers as she steps onto the boat. She's made this trip before, though this isn't how she'd imagined coming home, and each stroke of the oar is a stab in her gut as she paddles toward Fortification Hill; it's not the return she'd hoped for, but it's the only one that matters.

Everything is exactly as she remembers, right down to the waves that mimic the boiling-hot bile splashing in her throat as they pound the shoreline with all the tenderness of a nuclear missile strike. There's nothing left for her here, and she doesn't know what she hopes to accomplish by coming back after twenty years- she's backtracked, painstakingly retraced each step in her head thousands of times. But, no matter which path she chooses, they all lead to the same end.

The desert is eerily silent, as though a bomb's gone off and blown her eardrums clean out. She's rebuilt her world from the ground up, created her own empire from ash and bone, and yet she's incapable of repairing herself beyond the bare minimum required to stay aboveground. Her failure sealed the Legion's fate that day, and Caesar would turn in his grave if he could see what now remains of everything he built. She's all that's left of his vision now, and it's her responsibility to atone for the mess she's made.

_Come back victorious, or don't come back._

She has no business being here. Everyone she loved is dead, and Nuka-World is her home now. But it's not enough; the NCR stole Caesar and his legacy from her, and she won't rest until she's taken it all back, torn Crocker and those bureacrats asunder like a deathclaw ripping flesh from its prey. Then, the Mojave will be hers, and her Legion will finally have its Rome.

-

Ruby and her boat make landfall just before sundown. The sky is a bloody red, the moon a pale eye that watches her every move as she enters the camp; flags fly at half-mast, just as they have since Caesar's death, a reminder that this is not a dream and that the worst nightmares are the ones that have already come to pass.

The Fort still stands intact, seemingly frozen in time, undisturbed by prospectors or the elements. She expected the NCR would have burned it down by now- in fact, she'd have preferred it if they had, since it would have been far less unsettling than expecting the place to spring to life at any moment. If she closes her eyes, she can smell smoke from the fire pits and hear the clash of machetes as the soldiers spar with each other in preparation for the coming war- the war they should have won. But then, she blinks, and the vision dissolves around her like dust in the desert wind.

There's a chill in the air that permeates her clothes, clings to her bones like sap on a hot day, so she takes refuge in a nearby tent. She channels her inner mole rat, burrowing as deep into the bedroll as is humanly possible- it's dark as a grave in there, but she can't bring herself to sleep among the ghosts. So she summons her courage and heads up the hill to the one place she's always felt safe; grief tugs at her chest, and she raises her eyes to the heavens, praying that neither her legs nor her spirit crumble now. 

The air is thick, as though she's breathing underwater, and a wave of nausea hits her like a bullet to the gut. She bites down on her bottom lip, doubling over in pain... but, just before she hits the ground, she's intercepted by a pair of arms much stronger than her own. Embarrassed, she rights herself, the hood of her jacket falling back to reveal her crown of crimson hair- it's lost some of its luster with age, but is still very much red- as the stranger gasps audibly. 

"Juliet? Is that you?"

Her name. The one she took when she joined- the one thing in this world that's still hers, after all this time. But how...?

A chill races up her spine, and she chokes back a sob as her eyes meet those of her rescuer. He's an old man now, with greying hair and wrinkles, but she'd recognize his face anywhere.

"Lucius, I... You're alive!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many feels. Much foreshadowing. Wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: emetophobia & tokophobia (brief mention, not graphic, but still).
> 
> Theme: [Concealed Passion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=625SQyGEYw0) by Audiomachine.

"Lucius, I... You're alive!"

The guard nods, a gleam of relief in his eye as he pulls her close. "Juliet... I can't believe it's really you."

The gesture is strange, but comforting, and it's the closest she's felt to love in twenty long years. He's a shadow of himself, smaller and more fragile than in her memories from back then, but he looks just as relieved to see her as she is to see him.

"But the radio reports, they- I thought you were dead!"

"So did I," Lucius admits, his face a mask of solemnity. "During the escape, I spotted two rangers with sniper rifles- your head was in their crosshairs, so I ran screaming in the other direction. They started firing at me and, by the time I lost them, you and the others were long gone. How many made it out?"

Ruby grimaces. "Just twelve- Vulpes, Siri, myself, and eight recruits."

He eyes her quizzically. "But that's only eleven."

He's not wrong, she observes- there _were_ only eleven to start. But, a few weeks after the group arrived in the Commonwealth, she'd become violently ill- terrible stomach pains, vomiting blood, losing her hair and teeth... Siri had given her RadAway, but that had only made it worse. And no one knew why, until her Edward was born that winter, breech and three months early. By all rights, they both should have died then; without Siri's help, they certainly would have. But the world isn't that kind. 

"Right," she says, correcting herself as she covers the quiver in her voice with a cough. "My boy. You'll meet him soon enough- I named him after..."

She can't bring herself to say his name, even after all this time. That wound is too raw, too real, and even thinking it rubs salt into the festering crevice she calls a heart. Before Caesar, she didn't think she even had one of those to begin with, and her stomach clenches as she realizes that she can't remember what he looked like anymore. But Lucius doesn't push the matter further, instead nodding in silent understanding.

"War never changes," he sighs. "It always has a cost, and Caesar was willing to pay that price, to do what he thought was right. We didn't agree on everything, but I promised him that I would protect you, no matter what. So I did. But don't mind me- you're probably tired, both from the road and listening to this old man relive his glory days, so I'll leave you be. We can rebuild another time."

Ruby nods, her head suddenly feeling too big for her shoulders as she wobbles in place, then resumes her planned route up the hill. Lucius follows, though he respectfully keeps his distance, and she's grateful for it- she feels safer with him here, though this journey to the past is one that she needs to make alone.

"Juliet."

They're in front of Caesar's tent now, and Lucius rests one hand on her shoulder, as if to give her strength. "I'll be here if you need me. Now, go on, little one- he's been waiting for you."

With a last nod in her direction, he heads back down the hill. Ruby watches his retreat, then exhales sharply, her chest tightening like she's bracing for impact as she pulls back the tent flap and steps into Caesar's sanctum.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels, feels, and more feels. You're welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a ton of references here that likely won't make sense if you haven't read We Are Legion. You don't have to, but I hope you will. :) 
> 
> Theme: [Heathens](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkzBl4BN-go) by RIVALS.

#### Then:

As the tent flap bids her enter, Ruby glances nervously around the room. She's alone and unarmed, still jittery from her encounter with that soldier guy the previous night, but also eager to start her training: Caesar promised he'd teach her to fight like a Legionary and, per their agreement, she's been chem-free for a whole day now. If the first lesson he intends to teach her is that sobriety is a frigid bitch, it's working.

She can't remember the last time she was this sober. Every synapse in her brain is firing on full-auto mode, and her body feels like it's been cobbled together by a super mutant on Jet. She's heard terrible, twisted things about this man and what he's capable of, but his touch is seared into her memory. She knows damn well that's not how you touch someone you're planning on killing, but there's a first time for everything.

"Good. You're here. You weren't followed, I trust."

Caesar's voice catches her off-guard, as she hears it before she sees him. He's always been seated during their meetings, and this is the first time she's seen him at his full height- the top of her head is at just below his shoulders, and she's not sure whether to be intimidated or impressed. But her mouth won't form words, so she nods nervously and tries to remember how breathing works.

"Excellent," he says, not acknowledging her obvious unease. "Once you're ready, we'll begin."

He hands her a spear and a practice uniform, then turns around to give her privacy- a welcome change from that soldier guy, and the assholes back home. They're why she prefers women: it's always men who look at her and see a little girl, someone they can overpower or take advantage of. But no, Caesar has asked her- a young, chem-addled profligate girl- here as his equal: she is everything his Legion opposes, yet he's taken her under his wing in a way that Dennis Crocker never has. None of it makes sense... but, in its own twisted way, it makes all the sense in the world.

Once she's done dressing, she timidly steps out from behind the curtain, spear in hand. Caesar is waiting for her, and he nods approvingly as she approaches. He shows her the proper stance, then moves her arms and legs into place. But he's respectful about it, doesn't make any lewd comments or touch her for longer than is necessary. It's the first time since her father died that a man- or anyone, for that matter- has touched her in a non-sexual way; her only reasons for touching people are fucking or killing, and this is neither.

"Think back to your first kill, Juliet- what was it like?"

She recalls her first fight- age six, armed with only a stick, staring down a young fire gecko that had tracked her to her favourite scavenging spot at Nopah Cave and tried to make her its dinner. Of course, she turned that around in a hurry- beat it nearly to death, then snapped its neck with her bare hands. She lost some skin and hair, of course, but such is the price of survival.

"And how did that make you feel?"

As he says it, her stomach tingles with the same euphoria as it did when she killed that gecko, and she remembers the first time she ever did the same to a human. She'd been just eight, sleeping on a makeshift cot under a bridge near the 188 Trading Post when a drunk man tried to have his way with her: she stabbed him seventeen times with her rusted combat knife, then strangled him until he stopped moving. She's told herself for years that it was self-defense, but that's a lie, because she enjoyed every second of it.

When she finishes her story, Caesar eyes her curiously. "I see," he says, without emotion. "That's where you and I are much the same, Juliet. Certain _political entities_ may see us as little more than cold-blooded savages, but I see a young girl- _woman_ \- with a strong survival instinct who, like myself, acted out of self-preservation. I think that's very brave."

Ruby doesn't consider herself brave- foolish, perhaps, or daring, but not brave. No one has called her that since-

_"Hello, Ruby. Are you ready to be a big, brave girl for me?"_

Internally, she bristles. Fuck Crocker, and fuck the NCR. They failed her, just like they failed her parents, and everyone in Freeside; they're why her family is dead and she- a ranger's daughter- is here, instead of at McCarran.

_Oh, I'll be brave all right, Crocker. We'll see who's a big, brave girl when I shove this spear up your ass._

Fueled by anger, combat comes easily. Caesar moves toward her, but she's faster and forces herself between him and the spear- she rips it out of his hands and sends it flying across the room, then knocks him to the ground with a boot to the chest. He looks just as surprised as she feels, but she doesn't even make it two feet before he grabs her leg and drags her back to the floor, into a mock sleeper hold.

"Never, ever let your guard down! Be confident in your abilities, but arrogance will get you killed. Again!"

He helps her to her feet, and they resume combat positions, going through the motions until she can no longer breathe. Even at his age, he's in much better shape than she is- substance abuse, head injuries, and trauma have taken their toll on both her body and mind, and youth is her only dog in this fight. 

"Everyone fights for a reason, Juliet," Caesar says. "What's yours? Why are you here?"

For a moment, she's not sure how to answer. She's wanted to learn proper fighting techniques for ages, both to protect herself and avenge her parents' deaths; McCarran can burn, for all she cares. And, before she can stop herself, she's on a tear, screaming _fuck McCarran_ as she balls her hands into fists, throwing punches left and right as though Crocker, not Caesar, is her opponent.

"I don't forgive them," she hisses through gritted teeth, nails slicing into her palms as she wobbles precariously in place. "I never will."

A flood of adrenaline crashes over her, and she topples backward in what feels like slow motion. Caesar is quick and catches her easily enough, one arm anchored around her waist to keep her from hitting the ground. Neither of them says a word, but she's suddenly aware of his presence, his touch, the precise position of his right hand on the small of her back as he holds her in place. And, before she can begin to process what's happening, there's a kiss.

It's her first sober kiss, and she's not quite sure what to do with her hands, so she follows his lead and kisses back. His feigned composure is convincing, though he reacts to her touch without realizing it- tightens his grip on her waist, fingers pressed against her spine as he guides her hips forward- which makes her more determined to break through. Breathing hurts, but she suppresses a sigh and welcomes the soft, insistent pressure of his mouth on hers.

A few minutes later, it's over as quickly as it began. Caesar's face reminds her of a scared dog at gunpoint, but he won't look at her, keeping his gaze glued to the dirt floor. "I should go," he says, almost too quickly, as he backs away from her. "I, uh... That's enough for now. You can see yourself out."

And, just like that, he's gone, leaving her alone in her own head once more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the feels express!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: [Burn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUegOCgQQnw) by Astyria.
> 
> I love the pic the uploader used because it even looks like Ruby: different eye colour (Ruby's eyes are blue), but red hair, the tribal aesthetic of her outfit, the cold, emotionless stare... yep, that's her.
> 
> Most of the lines in italics are quotes from either Ruby or Caesar in We Are Legion, with 2 exceptions.

#### Now:

The inside of Caesar's tent is cold and dark, and Ruby pulls her jacket closer to her body for warmth as she moves slowly through the room. It's the first time since the funeral that she's been here alone, but his presence is everywhere- it hurts in ways she can't describe, and she doubts there are words in any language to adequately name the ghost that haunts her heart.

Her eyes haven't yet adjusted to the lack of light, so she turns on her Pip-Boy to get a better look- the screen is cracked, from when Caesar threw it across the room during one of his episodes, so she's surprised it still works. But she can make out the faint remains of a bloody hand print- her own- on the inside of the flap, and she remembers why it's there: a physical marker of the exact moment her world ended.

_All right, let's state the obvious. There's something wrong with me._

She knows she should have fought harder, been more insistent, after the conversation she overheard between him and Lanius that morning. If she could do it over, she'd disregard the warnings and drag him to Freeside with a bag over his head, or flash her Pip-Boy light in his face until he agreed to see a doctor. He'd be angry, but possibly alive- a trade she wishes she'd had the courage to make.

_No shit. I tried to tell you that, but you didn't listen to me, and now..._

A sob catches in her throat, but she blinks and forces it back down as a single tear slips down her cheek. She hasn't cried since Caesar's funeral, but being back here alone is more than she can handle- she's not the brave warrior he thought she was, and that knowledge cuts deeper than any blade. 

_I promised myself I wasn't going to cry, but I just... If only we'd never met, none of this would be happening._

The last time she uttered those words, she'd fallen into his arms and sobbed until she couldn't breathe. But he's not here to comfort her now- she's alone, just as she had been before and has been, ever since. But these aren't sad tears: instead, they're angry ones, each a torrent of rage that swells with the fury of a thousand atom bombs, that burn her eyes as they spill down her face like irradiated rain. She's furious with him, for leaving her behind, and with herself, for letting it end like this.

He trusted her- they all had. But she'd failed, and that's why they lost at the Dam. She planned to die there, hoped that they all would- leading her Legion to its defeat is the closest thing to mercy she's ever shown, but even that small sliver of _altruism_ is tainted: it was either die by Lanius' hand, or her own. It's only thanks to Lucius that she's still alive, but she isn't sure whether she should be grateful or not.

_In another life, perhaps we'll have forever. I can't give you that, but we still have tonight._

She glances around the room, every memory a dagger that slices her open as she takes it all in. The vacant throne, empty bed... and the table on which they'd _celebrated_ her arena victory is covered in supplies from Siri's med kit, all things they'd used to prepare Caesar's body for its final journey. For twenty years, she's carried this torch- it's heavy and, in spite of her strength, crushes the air from her lungs as though she's forgotten how to breathe.

Suddenly, something catches her eye. On the table is the laurel that was once pinned to the front of Caesar's dress robes- she and Siri must have overlooked it while they were getting things ready; she'd been so focused on her grief, and her plot to kill Lanius, that she'd completely missed it in the chaos. But it gleams before her now, a treasure she'd thought lost to time: this is the answer she's been looking for. 

_You are the first, and only, woman in our history to hold such an important position, and I trust that the honour is not lost on you._

Without thinking, she picks it up and pins it to her jacket. The tent hums to life, and it's as though he's here, watching her every move as she lights the torches and takes a seat on the vacant throne. It's what Caesar would have wanted- he trusted her enough to lead his Legion into the fight of their lives, and there's no one alive to contest her claim. She is singlehandedly responsible for its downfall- why not its revival?

_I'm Caesar now, my Legion reborn like a phoenix from ashes. I am infallible, unstoppable... Woe unto all who stand in my way, and even those who don't._

The tears begin to dry, and she sits in quiet contemplation, imagining all the horrible things she's about to do to the NCR- Dennis Crocker, in particular. If, by some chance, he's still alive, she'll make him wish he wasn't.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeeeeels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't touched this one since recovering from my own surgery. But we're back, at least until NaNoWriMo next month, so yay!
> 
> Theme: [I Think We're Alone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OIEE09BePs) by Hidden Citizens.

#### Then:

Ruby stares at the floor as the Legionaries lead her into the tent. They've been walking for so long that she's lost track of time, and her legs are so numb that she thinks they might fall off. She wishes they'd killed her, partly because the chem withdrawal is hitting hard, and partly because she fears Caesar's wrath.

"We found her," Lucius says, and she immediately hates that he talks about her like she's not even there. "The profligate girl. She didn't get far, of course- only made to Searchlight before setting up camp, no attempts to conceal her presence and no resistance when-"

"That's enough, Lucius," Caesar interrupts, gesturing to the tent flap. "Now, take your men and go. Get out, and don't come back until you're told. I'll deal with her myself."

His eyes are dark with anger, a barely-controlled fury simmering just beneath the surface, and Ruby wonders what- or _if_ -he's told the other guards. How much do they know about the kiss, and her reasons for running away? Just looking at him makes her skin prickle with a strange heat, and all the whiskey and Jet she took in the cave isn't enough to wipe her memory clean.

"Tell me," he says, as soon as the last of the guards have trickled out of the tent in their usual neat formation. "Why did you leave?"

She doesn't answer. She can't. Anything she says now will give away her hand, and she can't afford to lose this round. So she shakes her head, hoping that her defiance will make him angry- not so enraged as to get herself killed, just enough to trick him into reacting. But Caesar doesn't take the bait.

"Answer the question, Juliet."

His composure is irritating, and she digs her nails into her palms, willing herself to remain calm as well. Two can play at this game.

"I didn't want to make it weird, okay? Now, if that's good enough for you, I'm going home. And, if you send any more men after me, I'll send 'em back full of holes. Are we clear?"

"That doesn't make sense," he counters. "If you didn't want to _make it weird_ , then why did you run off in the middle of the night and leave everything behind, except your goddamned drugs? I bet you spent your whole time in that cave high out of your fucking mind, even after we agreed that- never mind. God, I'm disappointed in you."

"Fuck off. _You_ kissed _me_ , not the other way around."

Her brazenness catches him off-guard. Clearly, no one has told him to fuck off before, least of all a five-foot-nothing profligate girl, armed with only a sharp tongue and too much Jet in her veins. He could hurt her, if he wanted to, but he hasn't. And it's only as the thought passes through her head that she realizes she has the answer she's looking for. 

"I see," he says finally, hanging his head in shame- or defeat, perhaps both. "If that's what this is about, then I'm sorry. What happened between us that night was... _unprecedented_. Perhaps I was moved by your story, or I thought it would help your emotional state, since you seemed distressed after talking about your parents. But, regardless of the reason, it doesn't excuse my actions. And, though it pains me to admit, I was out of line."

Now, it's Ruby's turn to be surprised, because she's willing to bet caps that this man has never apologized for a damn thing in his life. It's the last thing she expected from this conversation, because men are stubborn as brahmin- yet another reason she prefers female partners. But he must have swallowed a lot of pride to say it, and she's willing to give credit where it's due. 

"It's fine," she says, as her arms drop to her sides. "For what it's worth, I- uh, I didn't mind. It was... oh god, I'm making things weird again, aren't I?"

Caesar shakes his head. "Juliet, I..."

But he doesn't finish the sentence. Instead, his arm slides around her waist as he pulls her into a kiss, one hand on her face and the other on her lower back, just like before. But, this time, it's not just a spur-of-the-moment thing: it's calculated, intentional, and Ruby gasps as his tongue pushes her lips apart. But she submits willingly, her whole body trembling and skin as hot as the desert sun. She's shared many kisses, each different in their way, but something has always been missing... until now. 

By the time it's over, she can't breathe and her heart is beating so rapidly that she thinks it might explode. "So," she ventures shakily, trying to focus on the gentle pressure of his knuckles against her cheek. "I guess that night meant something to you after all, huh."

Caesar doesn't respond at first, but eventually caves. "I haven't stopped thinking about it," he admits, dropping a tender peck on her forehead. "I wanted to do it again, but I owed you an apology, and I'm not very good at asking for forgiveness. Then, when I found out you were gone, well... I didn't think I'd see you again. But I wasn't willing to risk that, so I sent Lucius and his men to find you, though I never told them why."

Ruby shrugs. "Guess it doesn't matter now, does it?"

"Of course not," Caesar answers, though his voice is gentle this time. "But we'll keep this to ourselves for now. When the time is right, I'll tell the others, but..."

Suddenly, he stops talking and remains silent for several- six, by her Pip-Boy- minutes before blinking and turning his attention back to her as though nothing happened. And, though Ruby waits for him to finish the sentence, he never does.

"What just happened? Are you okay?"

He nods, though she detects hesitation in his voice when he assures her that he's fine, just tired. His movements are clumsy and childlike, speech slurred, and his eyes dart around the room uncertainly, as though he's forgotten where he is. She doesn't want to leave him alone like this, but she can't prove that anything is wrong; she's exhausted and the Jet she took is still wearing off, so maybe she's just imagining it.

Still, she can't shake the feeling that something is amiss, even if she's not sure what it is.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so, it begins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you thought Caesar was bad, and Lanius was worse... well, you ain't seen nothing yet. ;) 
> 
> Theme: [Alpha](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPv3OVSp7_A) by Little Destroyer.

#### Now:

Sunlight pierces fabric, and Ruby jolts awake, forgetting where she is for a moment before it dawns on her that she's still in Caesar's tent. She doesn't remember falling asleep, so she must have moved from the throne to the bed sometime during the night. It's little wonder she dreamed about him, and it feels so real that she half expects him to be there beside her when she rolls over... but he's still gone, and it's only when she rubs her eyes that she notices the pillow beneath her is soaked with tears.

It's eerily quiet- no machetes clashing outside, or gentle humming of the Auto-Doc that still sits in the corner, its surgical implements covered in blood from their last-ditch effort to save Caesar's life. They never did find the diagnostic scanning module they needed, but Siri and Lucius had improvised, and it bought them a few minutes- just long enough for Ruby to say goodbye.

Grief stirs in her chest as she imagines the last night she ever spent here- the night she broke her marriage vows and risked her life for love. She doesn't recall much, only that she cried the whole time and had to do most of the work because Caesar couldn't move his legs. She doesn't want to remember him like that, but it's one of the only memories she's sure of- everything else feels so far away, like the Jet-induced hallucinations she used to have of her parents... except that she hasn't done Jet in years, and she's not sure what's real anymore. 

After a moment of deliberation, she rolls out of bed and stands up, catching a glimpse of her reflection in the glass window of a nearby cabinet. Apart from her fiery hair, she barely recognizes herself- the twentysomething courier who arrived here all those years ago is dead, a hollow-eyed husk stripped of her youth by time and trauma. All she wanted then was revenge, to make the NCR pay for what they'd done to her parents; instead, she found companionship, family, and a kindred spirit, only to have it all ripped away before she was ready to let go.

Just then, the tent flap swings open. Lucius enters, holding a tray of fresh fruit and two bottles of Sunset Sarsaparilla. "You're awake," he says, trying to sound cheerful as he looks around the room. "I'm not used to having company anymore, but I'll try and be a good host. Come, my dear- you must be famished."

She's not hungry, of course, even though she knows she should be. She hasn't eaten much since leaving Nuka-World, and what little food she brought with her is a bit lacking in the nutrition department, so she follows him to the dining area. It's strange, just the two of them being here, after all this time; they were both close to Caesar, and relied on each other for comfort after his death. But it still feels like a betrayal- her and Lucius, in Caesar's domain, acting like old friends.

"So," Lucius ventures, opening a bottle of Sunset Sarsaparilla for her before taking one for himself. "Did you sleep well?"

She nods. "As well as could be expected, I suppose."

The rest of the meal passes in silence. Ruby picks at her food, only taking tiny bites if she catches Lucius looking at her. He's the closest she has to a friend- he did, after all, promise to protect her once Caesar was gone, and he's lived up to his word so far. But she refuses to let herself get sentimental, because people are weak and they just die anyway. Everyone she's ever loved is dead- her parents, Caesar, her former brothers in arms...and, until now, she'd thought Lucius was dead too. It's only luck that she found him alive.

She pushes away her empty plate and stands up, feelings Lucius' eyes on her as she moves toward Caesar's throne- _her_ throne. It's what he would have wanted, and there's no one alive to tell her _no_... except Lucius, though he knows better. He defended her position when Caesar named her Legate, and there's no doubt in her mind that he'll do it again now. Clearly, this is a sign. 

"I wonder," she says, taking a seat and leaning back in the chair, touching the laurels pinned to her jacket. "Do we keep the name, or should we simply call ourselves _Legion_? Might be a good idea, if we ever hope to get the jump on the NCR; they've had the numbers game on lock for decades, but they'll have no chance in hell, once _we_ start recruiting women too."

For a moment, Lucius looks shocked, and his eyes grow wide as he clocks the pin she's wearing. "Juliet, what in the goddamn- just what do you think you're doing, young lady?"

"What I should have done twenty years ago," she answers, with a knowing look, as she rests her hands on the arms of the throne. "Oh, and you can call me... _Caesar_."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Legion is reborn, and Ruby asks Lucius to bend the knee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruby reminds me of Daenerys Targaryen, minus the dragons and any pretense of being a "good" character. 
> 
> Theme: [Here I Am](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1oR3PUQu60) by Brooke DeLeary.

"Oh, and you can call me... _Caesar_."

The words roll off Ruby's tongue, smooth as water, and she's surprised by her own calmness as they leave her lips. It's been years since she said his name. And, not only did she say it: she's taken it for herself.

"Juliet..." Lucius' expression changes from confused to horrified, and back again. "You can't- I mean, don't you think it's a little late for..." 

She stops him midsentence with a glare that could freeze Lake Mead in August. "And who's going to stop me?"

Her voice breaks on the last word, though she hopes Lucius doesn't notice. He knows better than to challenge her. And, if he values his life, he won't try it now. 

"It's not like that," he continues, abandoning his authoritative tone in favour of sympathy. "If this is what you want, I won't stop you. It's just that... Caesar is gone, and I know you miss him, but nothing is going to bring him back."

His gaze drops to the floor, and Ruby bites her tongue. She knows they're thinking the same thing- that Caesar's Legion without Caesar is as cold and dead as the leader himself. But she owes it to both of them, and all those men who died at the hands of the NCR, to try. Then maybe all those casualties will mean something. Except Lanius, who can rot in hell, for all she cares. 

"Maybe that's true," she replies, disguising the quiver in her voice with a cough. "Not that it's any of your concern who I miss, or why. But I'm Caesar now; you served him well, and I hope that you'll do the same for me." 

Lucius nods. "I will."

Ruby half-smiles, touching her laurels as he kisses her hand- Caesar's ring is far too big for her to wear, but this works just as well. "Good," she declares, with a wave of her hand. "In that case, Praetor Lucius, your first order is simple: if we're going to build an army, we need people. So find me the ten strongest women in the Mojave, and bring them here. Also, is that NCR outpost near Cottonwood Cove still around?"

"If you mean the one run by ghouls- Station Echo, I think- then yes. But don't go getting any ideas- after the battle, they took the Coyote and Lucky Jim mines, as well as the one at Searchlight North. Rangers with sniper rifles all over the damn place, eyes in every direction. So, unless you hate living, whatever's gotten into your fool head can stay there." 

"Oh, ye of little faith." 

She gives a cold laugh, luxuriating in her callousness for a moment before resuming her dignified stance. Taking over Nuka-World showed people what she's made of; Lucius wasn't there, so he doesn't know that she- then a pregnant twentysomething, armed with only a machete and the force of her own anger- stormed the park, wasted the Raider boss, and united three squabbling tribes under one banner. It's a long way from eighty-six, but there's still time for her to catch up to Caesar's numbers. By the time she's his age, she'll have double that under her belt.

She's tempted to let Lucius in on her plan, though she opts to keep it to herself for now. Some things are better left unsaid.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Feels Express has docked, and is ready for yet another round trip. Also some overdue smut. You're welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are so made for each other it's disgusting lol. :) 
> 
> It would have been too easy to go the creepy/rape-y route for a Legion storyline, especially one involving an age-gap romance with Fallout's biggest asshole, hence why I went with this instead. 
> 
> Theme: [Toxic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqKICL9Xr70) by J2 & Wülf.

#### Then:

Ruby lies silently on the bed, afraid to move, in case she’s dreaming. But she’s not, and the way her heartbeat thuds against her chest like a grenade is proof of that. 

"Are you sure you want to...?"

Caesar’s body moves over hers, his eyes cold and calculating, and Ruby exhales sharply. She hadn’t realized she was holding her breath, but she can’t help herself because he’s so much bigger than she is and could just have his way with her if he really wanted to. He's probably raped and plundered his way through the desert, just like Augustus and the others, because sex is about control. But he's clearly not interested in overpowering her- they're equals in their vulnerability.

She gives a quick nod, which he returns before giving her a gentle peck on the forehead. “Good,” he says, resting one hand on her cheek. “That's my girl.”

He leans forward, pinning her to the mattress with his massive frame. It’s so dark that they can barely see, but she hears it first, the guttural whimper that reverberates in the back of his throat as her breath catches in her own. It’s an odd noise, somewhere between a sigh and a sob. But it’s the most beautiful sound she’s ever heard.

“Touch me,” he growls, slurring the words as though very drunk. “It’s been too long. _Please_.”

Ruby obliges, and there’s a sharp intake of air, though neither of them knows if it’s his or hers. Caesar holds her hair back, a fistful of fire between his fingers, and curses under his breath. She’s drawing something out, something sacred, a Pandora’s box of emotions never meant to see the light of day. His breath on her neck is warm and comes in shallow, heaving gasps as he draws her closer, one hand on her thigh as the other slips beneath her skirt.

“Damn it,” he says, followed by a noise that sounds vaguely reminiscent of a wounded animal. “I can’t… oh, what the hell. Fuck it.”

His head drops between her thighs, and Ruby lets her own fall back, a strange heat rippling through her core. It hurts to breathe, and her legs shake with every flick of his tongue, but she arches into it as she grabs a pillow and holds it over her face to muffle the sounds she’s making. But he doesn't stop, except to replace one torture with another- two fingers push past her aching slit, which parts easily, and she takes them both as deep as they'll go. It's a controlled movement, a _come here_ motion. And she wants to, just not now.

The air around them is thick with unspoken truths, and she wishes she had the courage to close the gap between them. It would be so easy to just pull him into her, but she doesn’t want to push too hard, for fear that she might accidentally push him away instead. Physical closeness is one thing, but there’s more to it than that.

A surge of electricity shoots up her spine, its heat coiled around her stomach in knots and spreading slowly into her arms and legs as she melts into his touch. Everything is pouring out of her at once, and she shivers against the soft, demanding pressure of his mouth on hers as a single tear slips down her cheek. She hopes he doesn't notice, but he does and immediately stops, as though he's just realized that this is really happening and how alone they are.

“Am I hurting you?” 

As he says it, part of her wishes he would. Pain is something she understands- it's familiar and safe; this isn't. She's taken her clothes off hundreds of times, but this is the first instance in which she's fully naked- exposed, like a blind deathclaw with no teeth or claws. Easy prey. But there's nothing predatory about the way he looks at her; no one has ever looked at her this way before, and it's as though he's staring into the deepest part of her soul.

"If you want me to stop, just say the word."

But she doesn't want him to stop. She wants- no, _needs_ \- him to consume her, as nuclear fire once consumed the world.

"No," she insists, her throat dry and raw, as though she's swallowed a mouthful of sand. "Don't."

Seemingly content with her answer, he nods and pulls her toward him, gently nudging her knees apart before closing his eyes and slipping into her with an anguished sigh as her slick heat swallows him whole. Ruby gasps against him as her body trembles, her blood igniting as though she’s just been hit with a Molotov cocktail. She’s not afraid anymore, emboldened by his admission of surrender; she’s breaking him open, just like he did to her, and everything he’s kept to himself over the years comes pouring out at once.

“Touch me. Just touch me. Don't stop. Don't let me... Don't let me go."

He practically sobs the last word, his breathing quickening as though he’s running from something. And, deep down, maybe he is. But Ruby says nothing, only cradles his head against her chest like she’s shielding him from reality- a far cry from the girl who, only a few short weeks ago, had never protected anyone but herself. 

"I won't," she promises, though the words feel heavy on her tongue. "I'll take care of you."

She's not sure why she said it, or why it feels like the right thing to say in the moment. Sober Ruby is about as articulate as a feral ghoul, sounds more like a little girl with a head cold than a woman in her twenties, and is definitely not the type to give a damn about other people, beyond what she can take from them. Of course, Drunk Ruby isn't exactly the nurturing kind either, so who's doing the talking right now is anyone's guess. The only thing she's sure of is that she must be losing it, because she's never felt more unlike herself. But she's pretty sure she knows exactly who's to blame for it.

As if on cue, Caesar reaches for her hand. “Get over here,” he insists roughly, in a voice that she doesn’t recognize. “I want this. I want _you_.”

There’s something about the way he says it, the way his voice isn’t his own, that scares her. But this moment of weakness is comforting- hauntingly beautiful, like watching a city burn. He's so committed to his counterfeit composure, to his role as the stoic scholar who knows everything and feels nothing, though Ruby doesn't buy it. He's afraid- not of her, but of what she represents: a loss of control, and proof that he's not a god, but a human being with wants and needs and fears, just like her.

He pulls her closer, as though he’s trying to merge with her, and she wishes that were possible because she wants to merge with him too. She knows he’s close, and it won’t be long before she reaches the ultimate end herself. So she swallows the sound of her name, desperation in every syllable as he unravels. He does want this, her- all of her. And she’ll give him anything he asks.

She feels the muscles in his neck tense as she adjusts her rhythm to match his, and he reaches for her- her hair, her skirt, whatever else he can reach. Her hips give an involuntary jerk forward and, seconds later, he comes, hard and fast, spilling into her like the Colorado River into Hoover Dam. Ruby follows shortly after, shuddering as she wraps her legs around his waist, keeping him inside her for as long as she can, before the inevitable separation of their one body into two physical beings once more. But, for now, he collapses against her, and she listens to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat as it slowly returns to normal.

It’s a few minutes before either of them has the strength to move. But, when the time finally comes, he rolls over and she leans into his chest. Somehow, she eventually remembers to breathe, and Caesar plants a kiss on her forehead. She expects him to fall asleep instantly, though it’s her who gives the first satisfied yawn. She rolls over, tucking her head underneath his chin as his arm curls around her waist, tightening protectively as though his life’s purpose is to guard her from the world and its cruelties.

She’s never felt as safe as she does right now. Not since she was a little girl and her parents were alive. It’s been so long since anyone gave a shit about her- Crocker had a chance. He could have stepped up, but he didn’t, even though he’s the one responsible for her parents’ deaths; he ordered the assault on the Fiends, and the vault they lived in… where her parents got their chems, after the Followers in Freeside cut them off. She’s fended for herself ever since, until now.

Caesar stirs beside her, and she burrows closer to him for warmth and for comfort. Here’s the scariest man in the Mojave, giving her the power to destroy him, but trusting her not to, feeling safer with her than in the company of his own guards. He has entire armies of soldiers at his beck and call, could have any woman he wants; there are thousands of them out there, yet it’s her that he’s chosen to reveal this part of himself to.

Allowing herself to form emotional attachments, especially of this nature, is dangerous. She’s never kept friends, or let anyone get close- after what happened to her parents, it only stands to reason that people are mortal, and they die. She’s not sure why she’s made an exception for this one, but it only matters that she did.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reinforcements arrive from Nuka-World, and Ruby names her new elite guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruby is WAY worse than Lord Kaiser Roll.  
> TW for semi-graphic torture bits.
> 
> In case it's not obvious, I named the new guards after Roman goddesses. [Click](https://www.ancienthistorylists.com/rome-history/top-10-ancient-roman-goddesses/).
> 
> Theme: [Dark Matter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbz355PwFl4) by Les Friction.

#### Now:

It's just before sunrise when Ruby spots the first of several vertibird gunships flying over Fortification Hill. Reinforcements have arrived from Nuka World, to help her rebuild her Legion; they'll finally have air superiority, a commodity that Caesar could only have dreamed of, and she wishes he was here to see it.

"There he is," she whispers to Lucius, pointing to the fleet of vertibirds hovering overhead. "My boy."

At just twenty, Edward Santerre is a hulking brute of a man, nearly seven feet tall, with his mother's deep blue eyes and shock of red hair that sets him apart from any crowd. He shares her fiery disposition, as well as her affinity for killing up close and personal- she's been training him in melee and unarmed combat since he was just a child, and his body count is almost as high as hers already. It's obvious that he's Ruby's son, though his father's identity remains a mystery, hence why it's her family's name he carries as well.

As the choppers make their descent, the pair head down the embankment to greet their visitors. Edward's vertibird is still a few feet from the ground, but he jumps out of the gunship and lands rather delicately, in spite of his size. As soon as he sees Ruby, he strides toward her with purpose, then drops to one knee and kisses her hand. "Mother."

"Edward," she says, with a brief nod, touching the top of her son's head. "I'm so glad you made it. This is your home now- it always was, though some terrible people stole it from us. But no matter- we're back , and they'll get what's coming to them. I can promise you that."

She's never considered herself the maternal type, but Edward has always been a good son- he's quiet and industrious, but not meek, with a handful of non-killing interests: reading, stargazing, and tinkering with old terminals he's found in the Nuka World scrapyard over the years. Sure, Siri helped her raise him, but he is her flesh and blood- for twenty years, they've had only each other. And it's hard to believe that the behemoth before her now was ever so small and defenseless, his survival completely dependent on hers.

After a moment of silence, Edward rights himself, towering over his mother once more as he makes eye contact with Lucius. Ruby introduces them, and the two men shake hands briefly before the three of them head back toward the tent on the hill, followed closely by the Nuka World gangs. But, as they enter the throne room, it's glaringly obvious that something is missing- Caesar should be here, but isn't. And it's at moments like this- surrounded by people, family and followers alike- that she feels his absence the most, a wound that will never heal.

Of course, Lucius notices the shift in mood and tries to bring her back to the present. "Lady Legate," he says, her previous title escaping his lips before he realizes his mistake. "Sorry. I mean, Caesar. Forgive this old brain for working a little slower than it used to, my dear. But you asked me to bring the ten strongest women in the Mojave back here, and so I have. Now, chin up, little one- your audience awaits."

He escorts her to the throne before heading back outside, and she takes a seat, Edward hovering beside her like a guardian angel. The sea of Raiders assembled here suddenly parts down the middle, and Lucius enters once more, leading a group of ten young women. All are bound at the wrists and ankles, a few are gagged, and yet another has a bag over her head; she's screaming- rather, trying to- through the fabric and, when Lucius removes the burlap sack, her brown eyes are wild and frightened. But the way those eyes glitter with madness, and her chin juts defiantly as she glares at them, only draws Ruby to her more.

"This one fought hard, milady," Lucius says, gesturing to the woman in front of the throne- young and pretty, with long brown hair. "NCR deserter, picked her up just outside Boulder City. And I had a hell of a time getting her back here- she kicked sand in my eyes, scratched my face, even tried to bite me once. But a few shots of Med-X, and she was out like a torchlight."

Ruby half-smiles, motioning the girl toward her. "I like her already," she replies curtly. "I had my doubts, Praetor Lucius. But it would appear you haven't lost your touch after all."

The girl manages just one toss of her head before Edward kicks her swiftly in the back of the knee, which sends her toppling to the ground. "Stop," he growls, pointing his spear between her eyes. "That's my mother, your queen. And you'll show her the respect she's due, or so help me, I'll put you down like the dog you are."

"Now, Edward," Ruby admonishes, rising from her throne to help the girl to her feet. "There's a time and a place for violence; this is neither. And I think our new little friend here is exactly what I'm looking for. Mars favours the bold, does he not?"

She surveys the girl's face, as well as her recruit's uniform, which is so soaked with blood that it's practically Legion red already. "I know," she declares, pulling out her combat knife as she recalls a few names from one of her classes with Vulpes so long ago. "You've got fire in you, kid, and I like that in a woman. You're perfect."

Edward hands her a torch, and she runs the knife through the flames before carving a tiny cross into the woman's forehead, unrelenting, even as her victim nearly faints from the pain. "Juno," she says, over the screaming. "Mars accepts your sacrifice and unleashes you."

Once she's done, Edward leads Juno, who's still bound and gagged, aside as Lucius brings the next girl forward. They repeat this process for all of them, the smell of smoke and blood and burnt flesh filling the air as Ruby continues her ritual. Finally, all ten women- newly christened Juno, Minerva, Fortuna, Flora, Vesta, Ceres, Luna, Salacia, Venus, and Diana- have crosses carved into their foreheads. Most are subdued now, though one is crying and another has just thrown up all over the floor.

"Well done, Praetor. Now, get them out of here- maybe give them each a bath and make them look presentable. My Raiders can help you, if the need arises, but don't come back until you're done. _Vale_."

Once Lucius and the girls are gone, Ruby waves her Raiders out of the tent and turns to Edward. "Come, my boy," she says, lifting herself out of the throne and motioning for him to follow her. "Gather your best weapons, and meet me back here at midnight. We're going on a little hunting trip, just you and me."

Edward eyes her curiously, his eyes slitted like a cat's. "I like it," he says, inclining his head in her direction. "Gun or knife? Either way, it's been too long since my last kill, and I'm getting twitchy. What are we hunting?"

Under the dim light, he looks so much like her that, apart from his height, they could be mirror images of each other. But, every so often, she sees something in his eyes that's not hers, and she studies his face for answers, wondering who his father is.

"Bears," she replies, without emotion, as she marks a location on her Pip-Boy map. "We're hunting bears."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby and Edward's "bear-hunting" expedition is underway, though they aren't hunting bears so much as stealing their honey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But why not just have Ruby take the stuff with her? I mean, she's got a whole-ass Raider army to feed, no?"
> 
> See, Ruby is an asshole. And she will inconvenience herself to get at enemies; I mean, sure, she *could* use the extra stuff... but she'd rather spite the NCR by burning it, because she's a steaming pile of human trash.
> 
> Themes: [Out of My Cage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4i45wZQr5g) by Alaina Cross and [Vendetta](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DMJZSTGPXg) by Unsecret & Krigarè.

It's a quarter past two in the morning. The sky is almost black, but for a handful of stars that twinkle over Station Echo, and the troopers are drunk again- so drunk, in fact, that they don't notice two shadows lurking just behind their walls as they make for their bunks.

Ruby surveys the scene, careful to stay in cover as she moves silently around the fence, and Edward follows close behind, one hand on his shotgun as they make their way into the camp. The goal isn't to kill anyone, at least tonight- instead, the former courier hopes to send a message, a decades-late response to the letters she received as a child.

_We didn't mean for them to die, Ruby. The Fiends were a blight, a risk to all of us, and we killed every last one we could find- your parents were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, and they were what top brass deemed 'acceptable civilian casualties'. But I want you to know that their sacrifices were not in vain._

She was just seven years old when she got the first letter, eight when she asked one of the Followers to tell her what it meant because she didn't know how to read, and nine when she started burning them... but not before she memorized every damn word. To this day, she can recite them verbatim and, if she closes her eyes, she can still see the words as though they're burned into her eyelids.

_Your father, Robert, and I fought side by side in many battles, and I was there when he became a Ranger. You remind me so much of him- brave and curious, full of hope for the future. And your mother, Julia, the red-haired combat medic with a heart of gold; you'll look just like her someday, when you are grown. You are the best of them both, and it would be a tremendous honour to one day fight alongside you as well._

_All I've ever done, however misguided, is what I felt was right by the people of Freeside, and I never meant for you to get caught up in any of this. Children shouldn't have to fight grown men's wars, and I hope that you'll forgive us in time._

But she didn't buy it then, and she doesn't now. It's damage control, PR speak for _we done fucked up_. But they're all talk and no action, typical bureaucratic fuckwits that they are; if Crocker is still alive today, he's probably forgotten all about little Ruby Juliet from Freeside and the family he stole from her. But she's never forgotten him.

A surge of anger washes over her like a tsunami, followed by grief. To fight beside the man who killed both her parents would have been as blasphemous as spitting on their graves, and she vowed never to serve the NCR, even if her life depended on it. Of course, she never expected to side with Caesar and his Legion either- she used to think that all the major groups, and everyone in them, were equally corrupt and stupid, but that was before Benny dragged her into the middle of a war she wanted no part of. Now, it's personal.

Still, she tries to focus on the objective, blinking back tears as she takes stock of her surroundings. Their target is a small shed at the edge of the camp- it's locked, but that's never stopped her before: anything not bolted down is fair game, and she's never lost any sleep over stealing from the NCR. Most of what's in here probably isn't theirs anyway, either 'liberated' from enemy corpses or the people whose livelihoods they destroyed; NCR citizens are indentured servants who talk a lot of shit about how Caesar kept slaves and annihilated the identities of the tribes he conquered, but are too brainwashed to notice that their precious Republic did the exact same thing. And, if not for Caesar's intervention, she'd be one of them.

There's no noise coming from any of the tents now- the troopers are all out cold, so she pulls a bobby pin from her hair and fiddles with the lock until it clicks open. As expected, the cache is stocked to the brim, and she feels as though she's just won big at the slot machines. Edward peers over her shoulder, his mouth forming a disbelieving _o_ as he notes the contents- food, water, stimpaks for days... All things their Raider army back at The Fort could use. But this isn't about what's useful or practical- it's about revenge.

"Wow," Edward breathes, eyes wide. "How are we going to get all that stuff back home?"

Ruby shrugs. "We aren't. We're going to burn it."

She pulls an old flip lighter from her pack, and Edward watches her intently, his eyes seeming to glow in the dark. "All of it?"

The way he says it almost makes her question everything she's done, is about to do. But he doesn't understand what this means to her, and she's not about to give up the vengeance she's so rightfully earned. This is just as much for herself as it is for Caesar and her parents, and everyone else the NCR has wronged.

"Yes," she replies firmly, hoping that he can't hear the tremor in her voice. "All of it."

With that, she lights a torch and tosses it into the supply cache. The smells of smoke and smouldering brush flood her senses, sending her back in time. And, just like that, she's twenty-one again, standing in the courtyard at the Fort in her black toga as she watches Caesar's body burn, wishing that she had died in his place. She'd give anything to see him just one more time, if only to remember what it's like to feel anything at all. 

A few minutes later, it's Edward's hand on her shoulder that brings her back to the moment. His touch is firm, but not painful, and she lets him steer her away from the wreckage, grateful that she had the foresight to bring him along. Maybe he's Caesar's son, or maybe he isn't. But he's hers, and that's what matters in the end.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tender moment between my two favourite human trash bags. *dreamy sigh, followed by projectile vomiting*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruby and Caesar are both so awful on their own, but put them together and I almost want to cheer for them. Almost.
> 
> The Caesar/Lucius bromance in We Are Legion was completely unintentional... but it was too much fun to leave out.
> 
> Theme: [Wake Me Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5JzLwVwdQo) by Fleurie.

#### Then:

That night, Ruby sleeps like the dead. She's supposed to sneak out before the guards arrive, but she can't bring herself to move when it's the first time she's ever gone more than a few minutes without looking over her shoulder, even if it means disobeying a direct order. She already knows Caesar won't throw the proverbial book at her. But, even if he does, whatever punishment she receives will be worth every second she spent not worrying about Raiders or Rangers or whoever else might want to slit her throat for a few caps.

She rolls over, reaches for him beside her, but finds only air and empty space. For a moment, she wonders if she somehow overstepped her bounds, violated the terms of their relationship- whatever that is now- by letting her emotions interfere with what should have remained purely physical. But then, she hears his voice from the antechamber- he's talking about her and, though it sounds like official business at first, she notices that his tone changes every time he says her name.

"She thought a sentry bot was a one-hundred-year-old Protectron. She's lovely, but I think those two bullets she took compromised her only two brain cells- I knew she wasn't the brightest, but how the hell has she survived this long without supervision, or a modified slave collar that gives her a good zap every time she's about to do something dumb? You and your men should invent one, when you have time."

"Uh, Sir," a second voice- Lucius, the guard who brought her back from Searchlight- interrupts. "You're doing it again."

A brief pause. "Doing _what_ again?"

Lucius chuckles. "Obsessing over the profligate girl. Not that I blame you- she's young and beautiful, likes killing... Maybe we can keep her around once the war is over- she's pretty enough to be an officer's wife, and any sons she produces will make excellent Legionaries. But, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were _pining_ for that redheaded nightmare."

There's another short pause. "I'm going to have you crucified for my amusement, if you don't shut the fuck up."

Caesar's response is clipped and to the point. But, though he sounds annoyed, Ruby hears the suppressed laugh bubbling just beneath the threat. Now that she's seen him at his most vulnerable, it's as though she knows him better than she does herself.

"Does she know?"

Silence. It's so quiet that she can hear her own breath echoing through her chest, and she counts a full five minutes of it before Caesar finally responds. "Not yet," he says slowly, all traces of life gone from his voice. "She will. But not now- she's too young to be burdened with all of... Fuck it. I'm going to lie down."

A few seconds later, the mattress shifts beneath her, and she pretends to be asleep as his arm slides protectively around her waist. But, just as she thinks she might fall asleep for real, he starts talking.

"I'm sorry, little one," he says, one hand stopping at the curve of her hip. "There are so many things I wish I could tell you, but the timing is all wrong. It's hard keeping things to myself all the time. And I know I'm not very good at... this, whatever it is. But that doesn't make what I feel for you any less real."

He's probably saying those things only because he thinks she can't hear him. So she stays silent, if only to let him keep his pride intact.

"I'm sorry about your parents. I know how you feel, and maybe that's why I reacted when you told me what happened to them. I wanted to make it all go away. And I like to think that, for a moment, I did. We can't change the past, but I promise that everyone who's ever hurt you will pay for what they've done. "

He leans over to stroke her hair, fingers resting against her cheek as he plants a tender kiss on her ear, and Ruby shivers, still feigning sleep so he doesn't panic and run off again. She likes being close, not to mention that she feels a lot safer with him around; any NCR soldier who so much breathes in her direction is as good as dead, and the peace of mind is worth its weight in gold. Caesar and his Legion aren't exactly the symbols of safety and comfort she had in mind when she was younger. But now, he's both.

They've already been as close as it gets, breathed the same air and seen each other's deepest scars. But this is different- instead of his clothes, he's removed a layer of himself, to let her in closer. Maybe he expects her to do the same, which fills her with panic because, in spite of the protective shell she wears to face the world, she's a degenerate underneath. She's not the brave soldier he thinks she is, just a broken little girl who kills everything she gets her claws in. But maybe he already knows that, and maybe he doesn't care.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real, yo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one:  
> Absolutely no one:  
> Ruby: "I want murder!"
> 
> Themes: [This Is For The Fallen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmalS40edlQ) by All Good Things, and [Welcome to the Fire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLTbuvv1Lgs) by Willyecho.

#### Now:

Darkness blankets the desert, and tonight finds three shadows- Lucius, Edward, and Ruby herself- huddled together just outside Camp McCarran's walls. All three are dressed as NCR soldiers, though it's Ruby who truly looks the part in Juno's bloodstained recruit uniform- she's always thought the drab brown outfits were hideous, but the blood gives it character.

_Yeah, Crocker, it's real. It's not mine, but it's real._

After days of burning down supply caches and shithole settlements, this is her most ambitious feat yet- a display of power for no reason other than she can. The NCR has grown lazy and complacent since the war ended, and this ought to get their attention; Crocker and his goon squad think they wiped Caesar's Legion off the map that day. In a sense, they're right, but only because it's not Caesar's Legion anymore: it's hers. 

"So," she says, in a stage whisper, as she turns to her son. "Did you bring the secret weapon?"

Edward nods, producing a frag mine from his pack, and she swallows over the lump forming in her throat as she meets his eyes. She's so proud of her boy, and she knows that Caesar would be too- she's almost certain that Edward is his son, even though she has no way of knowing for sure. It's just a gut feeling, an instinct, even if there's no tangible proof for or against.

"Good. Now, remember the plan- no gunfire, and no heroics. The only noise comes from that frag mine. If you make contact with an enemy, deal with them quietly... and, if you're caught, you know what to do."

She drags a finger across her throat, and the others nod their agreement as they prepare themselves for what's to come. She's spent years dreaming of this moment- she finally has a chance to hit those bastards where it hurts most, and no one's going to fuck it up for her. Not now.

There's no one at the entrance, save for two soldiers on patrol. While no one is looking, Edward pops a Stealth Boy and slips through the gate, planting the mine directly in the soldiers' footpath before sneaking back out again. Then, the three of them move around the other side of the camp, waiting for the noise that will cue them in.

_That's right. Come to mama._

Sure enough, one of them steps directly on it, blowing his right leg clean off and covering his partner in a shower of blood as she tries vainly to bandage the wound. But the explosion- and, of course, the screaming- have drawn the attention of every single soldier in the vicinity, and they all run toward the ruckus, buying Ruby and her crew valuable time to execute their plan. While everyone is distracted, they scale the walls and drop down into the base, undetected; Lucius nearly breaks his leg during the descent, but all three of them make it to the other side alive.

They sneak through the main terminal, careful to stay in cover as they move through the shadows toward the monorail station. As expected, the soldiers have all abandoned their posts, in response to the noise, but Ruby takes no chances- she and Lucius keep watch as Edward arms the explosive charge. The last idiot to try this got caught, then killed himself before he could be taken prisoner, but her son won't make the same mistake. He's too smart for that. And what she herself lacks in Caesar's tactical savoir-faire, she makes up for in ingenuity: planting a mole is a waste of valuable time. And, besides, this is much more fun.

Mission accomplished, they sneak out again, though Ruby stops to admire her handiwork from the top of the wall. The soldier who blew off his leg is dead, white as a sheet, eyes wide with terror and mouth frozen open in an endless scream. His partner is sobbing, cradling his lifeless body in her arms as she rocks back and forth, and a few higher-ups are screaming at each other. Someone will pay for this, though no one will tie her or her Legion to it because Oliver thinks she's dead and, as far as he knows, she's been cold in the ground since Hoover Dam. She can't wait to see his face when he realizes he fucked up... and all because he let one little girl get away. 

Lucius tugs on her hand like an impatient child. "Come," he whispers, motioning toward the ground. "We'd best be on our way."

Reluctantly, Ruby agrees and joins the others on the ground, where they head toward home. The other two make some small talk with each other, though she keeps mostly to herself, listening to their idle chatter as they turn away from the airfield. The sun begins its lazy ascent into the Mojave sky, bathing the desert in orange light. And, somewhere along the way, Lucius falls into step beside her.

"Mars' eyes are upon you," he says affectionately, a smile crinkling the corners of his mouth as he points upward. "He's proud of you, little one. I know he is."

With that, he walks away, and Ruby lifts her eyes to the heavens in silence, the sun warm on her face as the group makes its way back toward Fortification Hill. Caesar was always proud of her, even when she didn't deserve his favour; and maybe she couldn't save him from death, but she won't let him down again. Not this time.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby loses her shit and breaks a bunch of stuff, because reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To whoever's cutting onions in my living room: please stop.
> 
> Themes: [In My Blood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrNBa-WVrCY) by Fleurie and [ A Sacrifice to Save You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5g3gixP1bM) by Efisio Cross

#### Then:

It's getting dark, and Ruby watches the sun disappear behind the mountains before heading to Caesar's tent. Despite Vulpes' protests, he'd insisted she accompany the frumentarii on a scouting op- probably to keep her out of Lucius' hair, since she's been pestering him about training her like a _pray-whatever_ for ages. And, though the trip was pretty boring, she admits she learned a thing or two- how to stand in one spot for hours, patch radscorpion stings, and draw crude pictures in the sand - after their little adventure at Hidden Valley.

When she enters, a few of the soldiers are milling about in the antechamber, whispering amongst themselves. Their chatter gives way to silence as she nears, though one guard gives her a stiff nod as she passes. Caesar glances up at her from his place on the throne, eyes glassy and vacant as they meet hers. "Juliet," he says, though her name is slurred and doesn't sound quite right. "Come with me. You and I are going to have a private conversation."

At first, she wonders if that's code for something. But, when he stands up, he stumbles slightly, like he's drunk- she moves quickly enough to catch him before he hurts himself, and they walk the remaining distance together, his arm slung over her shoulder in an attempt to keep himself upright. The height difference between them makes it a bit awkward, but they manage well enough.

Lucius is waiting in the back of the tent and, as soon as he sees them, trades places with Ruby, motioning for her to sit while he offers Caesar his arm for balance. It's strange that he should be present for what she expected would be an intensely personal moment but, as soon as all three of them are seated around the strategy table, he nods at Caesar, who looks like he's lost his best friend.

"All right," he says, eyes darting confusedly back and forth between her and Lucius. "Let's state the obvious. There's something wrong with me."

Now, it's Ruby's turn to be confused, sirens wailing in her head as her heart starts to race. "Like what?" she asks, her voice involuntarily rising in pitch. "I don't understand. Are you going to-"

"I don't know, little one," he admits, his voice shaking as he lowers his head. "I don't know. But I'm guessing it's got something to do with these goddamned headaches- they started a couple of months ago, and they've become... debilitating. My left leg has been dragging- it's stiffer, hard to move. Lucius says I stare into space, blink a few times, and keep talking like nothing happened. And you've seen me blank out."

Indeed, she has. She'd have to be blind to miss it, especially after tonight. And, though she's had her suspicions that something was up since she overheard that commander guy- Lame-Ass, or whatever his name is- mention them in passing, she had no idea it was this bad. 

"I knew it," she sighs, nearly choking on the sob that rises up in the back of her throat as the first tears begin to fall. "This is why I told you to see a doctor, 'cause I'm no good at all that science stuff. And now you want me to- you know what? Fuck you both. You lied to me, and _you_ \- she jabs an accusing finger at Lucius- "helped cover it up!"

Caesar shakes his head. "Juliet, stop."

But she doesn't, instead leaping to her feet with such ferocity that she nearly falls over and knocking a bottle off the table in the process. And, before she can stop herself, she starts smashing things- anything she can reach is fair game: bottles, plates, glasses... It all hurts the same. But it's only when she punches a hole in a nearby cabinet that Lucius steps in to restrain her.

"Don't touch me," she screams, wrenching her arm from his grasp. "Don't fucking touch me, or I swear on my parents' lives I'll-"

"No," Caesar interjects calmly, though there's a hint of fear in his voice. "This is my fault. I just... I was only trying to protect you."

Of course, Ruby isn't having it. She wants to hurt him, though whether with her words or weapons doesn't matter at this point. "Protect me?" she exclaims, her voice raw, angry tears spilling down her cheeks as a hollow laugh bubbles from somewhere in the back of her throat. "Protect _me?_ From what?"

"From _life!_ " Caesar thunders, loud enough that she freezes mid-swing. "No one lives forever, Juliet. Of all people, you should know that."

He's never raised his voice to her before, and it's terrifying as hell. So she relents, allowing Lucius to lead her back to her chair as she tries to catch her breath. She feels dizzy and hot, like she's been standing in the desert sun for hours, and barely makes it to her seat before throwing up all over the floor. Thankfully, they give her a few minutes to compose herself: Lucius offers her a glass of water and some healing powder from the cabinet, though it's Caesar's hand on hers that truly calms the pounding in her head. 

"I'm sorry," he says, softly this time, tilting her chin upward until she's looking him in the eyes . "I should have told you. I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I won't ask for it. But, right now, I need your help... Please, little one. Will you?"

He looks utterly broken, probably because he's never been desperate enough to have to ask for help- especially from a young profligate girl, with no medical knowledge whatsoever. She wishes she could hate him, because it would make everything she's just heard- the prospect of losing him- easier to digest. But, try as she might, she just can't stay angry long enough to say no; she'll do anything he asks of her, regardless of the cost to herself.

She wants to tell him how she really feels- let her guard down and break open, like she did the first time they ever touched. There's not a thing in this world that she wouldn't do, including kiss and make up with Dennis Crocker and the NCR, if it meant that he _would_ live forever, because he's all she has in this fucked-up world. She's afraid to be alone again, and that's exactly what she'll be, if she lets him die.

Instead, she nods silently, her lips pressed into a thin line as she bites back the tears that threaten to split her apart at the seams. Then, before she can make an ass of herself yet again, she springs out of her seat and runs from the room, Lucius in pursuit, a single bloody handprint on the tent flap the only proof that she was ever there.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dead don't talk, but Radio New Vegas sure does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: [Remains](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZ1pCyFK_kY) by Aviators.
> 
> _Play the game, paint your scene -_   
>  _taking this to the extreme._   
>  _Masterpiece, dark design-_   
>  _your last moments, only mine._
> 
> _It's a need, here in dust-_   
>  _kill the world that stole from us._   
>  _Take your place, let it be,_   
>  _in my crimson symphony ._
> 
> According to the artist, this song was inspired by Pickman in Fallout 4. But I think it fits well here too.

#### Now:

Ruby stares at her handprint on the tent flap, grief twisting in her gut. Though the blood has dried and faded over the years, the pain that stains her memory is every bit as raw and real as the day she nearly tore this room apart. If she believes what Caesar told her then, there was nothing anyone could have done. But she doesn't know what to believe anymore- if he kept his illness from her in the first place, what else was he hiding?

_I want the truth this time. Talk to me._

She touches the laurels pinned to her jacket and stares harder, as though doing so will summon him, and a single tear slips down her cheek, leaving a wet divot in the dirt when it hits the ground. She wishes she could have saved him- then, maybe he'd still be here, and life as she knows it would have been completely different. Perhaps they'd have won at Hoover Dam. Or, even if they hadn't, there might have been enough of them left to keep the NCR from taking it. But Caesar is dead, and no one will ever know what might have been.

_I loved you with everything I had. Why wasn't it enough?_

The torchlight flickers in reply, and she's suddenly aware of a presence beside her. Lucius is there, hovering over her shoulder like a shadow, one hand extended in her direction. "Is everything all right, little one?"

Only two people have ever called her that, though it was Caesar himself who started it. The other legionaries all thought he was mocking her- a crack at her lack of intellect, coupled with her small stature- though it was actually a term of endearment. It sounds condescending as fuck from anyone else- she nearly shanked Lanius for it once, and anyone but Lucius would have their tongues cut out for daring to speak it.

"Jesus Christ," she exclaims, turning to face him as she pretends to yawn and rub her eyes. "You've gotta stop sneaking up on me like that, or you're gonna get yourself killed."

In response, Lucius just smiles. "No harm done," he answers, the smooth timbre of his voice a comfort in the darkness . "In any event, I think you'd better turn on that fancy wristwatch of yours. I have a feeling you'll probably want to hear this."

Ruby flips the switch on her Pip-Boy, just in time to catch the last fading chords of _Johnny Guitar_ , before Mr. New Vegas comes back on. All these years later, the same AI that announced Caesar's death to the wasteland is still on the air... But, this time, he's talking about her.

_Eyewitnesses outside Camp McCarran are reporting a large explosion near its monorail station. Everyone aboard the train was killed, though the NCR has not yet released the names of the deceased, as they are still in the process of identifying the bodies. Ambassador Dennis Crocker has stated that he will not comment further, except to ask that anyone with information please come forward. That's our top story this hour, and this is Mr. New Vegas signing off._

Hearing the news brings a half-smile to Ruby's face as she touches the laurels again. Not only does this mean that her mission at McCarran was a success, but the broadcast confirms two things: one, that Crocker is still alive, and two, that she now has his undivided attention. Maybe coming back here wasn't such a lousy idea after all. 

"Come," she says, motioning for Lucius to follow her as she pushes the tent flap open once more. "I'll get Edward; you find the other guards. We're going to pay an old friend of mine a little visit."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels. You're welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love-hate this ship, seriously.  
> Writing these two again makes me want to ugly-cry. 
> 
> Theme: [World On Fire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqj1hf-KQ2c) by Les Friction.

#### Then:

It's a cold autumn night. The wind howls through the mountains as a light sprinkling of rain begins to fall, and all the legionaries are sound asleep in their tents- all but one.

Ruby sits beside the campfire, shivering against the fall breeze. It's been more than a week since Caesar decided to let that doctor guy fuck around with his brain- there's been no news since, and her anxiety has given way to dread that gnaws at her insides like a starving dog. Even if it's bad news, not knowing is far worse: why has no one told her anything, and what's really going on up there?

She thinks about doing some Jet to calm her nerves, but reconsiders. Chems and booze are just temporary reprieve from the torment in her head, and the destruction of her enemies- touching her victims, the smell of fear under their skin, and the sweet, sticky heat of blood- is far more satisfying. It's personal. But neither of them is any substitute for the warmth and tenderness of human hands. Sex and killing have that in common, at least.

The hours drag by, and every single one of them is torture. She hates waiting, and has never been good at it, especially since the last people she waited for- her parents, of course- never came back. But, just when she thinks she might start ripping her hair out, there's a hand on her shoulder.

"Juliet," Lucius says, his voice as soft and comforting as the rain in her hair. "Follow me."

She scrambles to her feet and follows him up the hill, steeling her nerves for whatever might be on the other side of the tent flap. The throne room is dark and vacant, the thick canvas blocking out all but the most persistent stars, and she instinctively reaches for Lucius' hand as they make their way into the back room. The walls and floor are covered in blood, various surgical tools strewn about; all is silent, save for the gentle whirring of the Auto-Doc in the corner. And, in the middle of it all, Caesar sleeps, head wrapped in blood-soaked bandages, seemingly oblivious to the chaos around him.

"Is he...?"

She can't bring herself to say _dead_ , though he sure as hell looks it. But, a few seconds later, he opens his eyes.

"Little one? Is that...?"

His voice is strained and wobbly, a shadow of itself. But it's still as familiar as ever, and the knot in her stomach unfurls as tears of relief spill down her cheeks. She wants to run to him, but her legs won't budge, so Lucius nudges her forward with a firm hand, and she staggers awkwardly across the room, eventually dropping to her knees at Caesar's side. 

"It's me," she manages, nodding as her throat tightens around each word. "I'm here. I'm right here. I would have come by sooner, but no one told me, and-"

Caesar shakes his head, silencing her with one hand over her mouth. "Stop talking." 

His fingers are cold, like death warmed over, and Ruby does exactly that, mouthing the words _I'm sorry_ as she rests her head against his shoulder. Lucius, who's been watching silently from the corner, takes this as his cue to exit and quickly disappears from view, leaving the two of them alone at last.

"Well," she says, quieter this time. "We match now."

She gestures to her own scar- a jagged, pink ripple, just below her right temple, where two bullets to the head left their mark. A thin layer of fuzz covers the incision, still in the early stages of healing, and she imagines that the pain he's in now is similar to what she felt when that doctor back in Goodsprings pulled her brain apart and cobbled it back together.

Caesar nods. "So we do," he observes, staring intently at the mark before reaching out to touch it. "We make quite the pair, though I don't suppose there's anyone to blame for my predicament. As for yours, well, he's dead. But, if I could have killed Benny myself, for what he- fucking hell. Should've just let me die, goddamn it."

He grits his teeth and winces in obvious discomfort, squeezing her hand so tightly that his knuckles turn white and he nearly breaks her fingers. Ruby braces and bites the inside of her cheek, hard enough to draw blood- whoever said it's impossible to feel two kinds of pain at the same time lied. But she doesn't pull away. 

"Fresh outta that," she replies, hoping that her nervous laughter conceals the edge in her voice. "But, since letting strangers dig around in your head with sharp objects kinda sucks, I've got the next best thing."

With a dramatic flourish, she reaches into her boot and pulls out a vial of Med-X. "I know what you're thinking," she continues, touching her own scar this time. "How the hell did I get this baby into camp, past all the guards? Let's just say that I learned a few things back in Freeside and, when you're desperate enough, you figure shit out. Now, give me your arm."

She can't imagine he's used to taking orders, instead of giving them. But he does as he's told, and Ruby counts down from three before sticking the needle into its target. Caesar shuts his eyes again, mouthing the word _fuck_ as he tightens his grip on her fingers- one is definitely broken, and the rest will probably be bruised by morning. But she doesn't care, because what's a few bruised knuckles, when the alternative is losing the only thing that matters.

A few seconds later, he slumps back against the pillow, making a noise that reminds Ruby of a dying brahmin. "Fuck," he repeats, sounding like someone's just let all the air out of a basketball. "Fucking hell, it burns. Little warning next time. So tired. But the things I'll do to you later..."

Ruby smiles knowingly, tears welling in her eyes once more, as she prepares to head out. She figures she'll give him time and space to heal. But, before she can even stand up, his fingers are closed around hers once more. "No," he commands, though his voice is thick with sleep. "Stay."

So she does as he asks, and blows out the candles on the nightstand as she snuggles into the crook of his arm. For now, they're both here and alive, and for how long doesn't matter- everyone's gotta go someday. But that day isn't today, and that's what matters in the end.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby and company head to the NCR embassy on the Strip, and history repeats itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruby is crazier than a bag of starving mole rats, but it's why I love her.
> 
> TW: lots of people die somewhat graphically in this one. 
> 
> Theme: [Monsters](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UL1m5ZEPd0) by Xeah.

#### Now:

It's early in the morning when Ruby and her army set out on their journey, using her Pip-Boy map as a guide. The desert has changed over the years, but the route to the Strip is almost the same- a few more NCR flags than she wants to see, of course. But it's only a matter of time before they, and the Republic itself, are reduced to ashes.

The Raider army heads out first; Ruby, Lucius, and Edward keep to the middle of the pack, and the elite guard, led by Juno and Diana, brings up the rear. All are dressed in full colours, forming a gaping red wound that cuts the Mojave in half as they move toward their final destination; with the reinforcements from Nuka-World, they're nearly a thousand strong, though she wonders what Caesar would say, if he knew that more than half those numbers are female.

_It was necessary for our survival. I know you understand._

She bows her head and kisses the ring that hangs around her neck, as if to draw strength from it, then touches the laurels positioned just above her heart.

 _You_ were _my heart. My whole world. And then..._

A sob presses against her lips, but she chokes it down as she stares resolutely ahead. She needs to save her energy for Crocker. But, once he's been dealt with, she'll finally be able to rest- let herself crumble, break apart like the little girl she never had a chance to be.

They press forward, stopping only for a quick water break along the way. She's made it clear that there will be no sleep and no food, no anything, until Crocker is dead. It's all she cares about these days, or has cared about since she was Edward's age; the only thing she wants more than the Ambassador's head on a pike is the one thing she can't have.

The sun is just beginning to set when, suddenly, Edward's lips are at her ear. "Come, Mother," he whispers, tugging at her hand, like he did when he was a child. "The people are tired and hungry- they need rest, and so do you. We should stop here."

He points past the sea of guards to a nearby stretch of land that's as green as a gecko's ass- the sharecropper farms, an agricultural nexus built on the backs of people who fled the ghettos in search of protection. The NCR's two-headed bear flag flies proudly overhead, and there's only a chain-link fence between them and enough food to feed them all, ten times over.

"Hey," the trooper at the gate- a young woman, likely a green recruit with no idea what she's in for- calls, as they approach. "This area's off limits. So keep walking, stranger, or I'll have no choice but to put you down."

Ruby surveys the area, then smirks coldly. The workers here are mostly civilians, with a few NCR troopers mixed in- she can easily take them, and there are three Raiders for every soldier she can see from her current vantage point. Perhaps there's time to turn their little paradise into a mass grave.

She nods at Edward, who points his shotgun at the trooper's face and fires at point-blank range. A few seconds later, the woman's head explodes into a cloud of red mist that sprays the Raiders closest to them in a shower of gore and brain matter, and a smile slowly spreads across Ruby's face as she gives the lifeless body a kick for good measure. "The only good soldier's a dead soldier."

By now, the gunshot has drawn the attention of several bystanders, who are gaping in horror at the scene. They stare at the body, then at Ruby, their eyes saucer-wide and mouths trembling with all the words they don't dare utter, just in case she decides they're next. "Here's how it's going to go," she says, without emotion. "You aren't dealing with the Fiends. You're dealing with me. And, unless you hate living, you'd all better listen, and listen good."

Her demand is met by a chorus of weeping and panicked babble, though Edward fires three shotgun blasts into the air, and the group falls silent once more. "Anyone who can hold a weapon comes with me," she continues, taking a torch from one of the Raiders and brandishing it at the person closest to her- a little girl in a pale pink dress, who's sobbing into her sleeve, arms wrapped around a tattered teddy bear- before handing it to Lucius. "Kill the rest."

Lucius takes the torch, though he shakes his head in reply. "But Lady Legate," he stammers, his silver hair glinting beneath the firelight as he gestures to the people gathered before them. "I mean, Lady Caesar- there are children present. The sick, the elderly... What of-"

"So now you grow a conscience," Ruby interrupts sarcastically, her eyes sweeping over the crowd. "Did I fucking stutter? _Kill the rest._ "

She rips the torch out of his hands and passes it to Edward, whose eyes gleam wickedly in the pre-dusk moonlight. "Burn it," she orders, leveling her gaze at Lucius. "Burn it all, and don't stop until every inch of this place is as black as the inside of my boot. I'll deal with Praetor Lucius myself."

She unholsters her shishkebab- named Gehenna, after _the valley of blood_ , which Caesar told her was a real place, once upon a time. If she'd had a daughter, it would have been her name too. But, to her, Gehenna is human, an extension of Ruby herself, and they've been together longer than her boy has been alive. She deserves a name. 

Edward's mouth curves upward into a sinister grin, and he tosses the torch into the nearest pile of brush, then pulls out his submachine gun and opens fire on the crowd. Ruby follows closely with Gehenna, putting the finishing touches on anyone strong or foolish enough to survive the hail of bullets, and she's never been prouder of her son than she is right now- he's so compliant, with a sadistic streak as wide as the Dam itself. This is why they make such a great team, especially now that Lucius has gone all soft on these degenerates. She'll have to do something about him eventually, though exactly what remains to be seen.

The slaughter lasts only a few minutes- there's blood and screaming, then silence as the last of the bodies drops to the ground, riddled with bullet holes. A few of the Raiders separate from the group just long enough to gather any salvageable food and supplies they can find. They may as well have something to show for their troubles.

Suddenly, there's a yelp of pain, and Ruby spins around just in time to see a small child- the little girl with the ratty teddy bear- leap out from under the pile of corpses and stab one of the Raiders in the throat. The kid's face and arms are covered in blood, as is the teddy bear; her pink dress is no longer pink, but a deep red, and the hem is singed by the fires from Gehenna's blade. And that's when she makes eye contact with Ruby, waving a combat knife as she charges forward, eyes blazing with rage, seemingly unafraid of the consequences.

Edward fires a shot at the girl's feet and misses. Juno and Diana take up rocks and throwing spears, and even Lucius joins in with his power fist, but it's dark and the child is too quick for them. So Ruby herself gives chase- she's smaller and faster than the others, which means she has the best chance of catching the little demon. Finally, after a few minutes of racing around the farm and dodging projectiles thrown by her own entourage, she corners the child by one of the greenhouses and grabs her by the arm. The girl very nearly wriggles free again, but Ruby isn't having it and holds on, as though for dear life.

For a moment, it's a tug-of-war between her and the kid. But, for reasons she can't quite explain, she lets go- the child disappears into the darkness like a frightened dog, leaving Ruby on her knees in the dirt. Seconds later, Lucius is pulling her to her feet, and he orders her to look at him, using a dishrag and a can of water from his med kit to clear her face of blood and ash. 

"Are you all right, little one?"

As he says it, the child's face flickers once more through her mind- the wide-eyed, frightened, Radstag-in-headlights look is oddly familiar, though she's not sure why. She wants to be mad at him, for disobeying a direct order, but she's too shaken to stay angry. 

"Fine," she replies, trying to sound convincing enough that he won't press further. "Just fine. We'll rest here tonight, then make for the embassy at dawn. Oh, and if you could send Juno and Diana my way- I'll need help getting the blood out of my hair before we move."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby gets the news she never wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Between you and me, this whole thing's already gone way off the rails." -RedEye
> 
> I hear you, man. I do. And the theme fits perfectly with this chapter, because Ruby is not ready to let go either. Time to crawl under a rock and die.
> 
> Theme: [Mercy Mirror](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVhmdLVVS-U) by Within Temptation.

#### Then:

Ruby and Lucius enter Caesar's tent just as a fork of yellow lightning cuts the sky in half. Most urban legends claim that the desert hasn't seen rain since before the Great War and, even though she can't prove that any of the stories about the Burned Man coming to kill them all are true, she can't disprove them either. So she instinctively holds onto Lucius' hand as she enters, preparing herself for what she might see.

"I found him like this," Lucius says, letting go of her hand for just a moment. "I don't know what happened, or who did it, but I figured you'd want to know about it just the same."

Ruby nods and mouths the word _thanks_ as she turns her attention to Caesar, who's lying face-down on the floor and bleeding from a head wound. He's not moving, doesn't look to be breathing either, and she's starting to wonder who might want him dead. Just to be sure, she turns on her Pip-Boy light to get a better look at the injury, but her efforts are rewarded with a groan and a crash as the Pimp-Boy 3 Billion flies across the room and into a nearby cabinet, shattering the glass on impact.

"Fucking lights. Turn that piece of shit off. It burns." 

Startled, she jumps backward into Lucius, knocking them both over as her brain registers that it's Caesar's voice she's hearing. So he's alive, which is good. But she should probably keep quiet, so he doesn't figure out that she's the one who flashed that damn light in his face. He'll kill her if he finds out, though he probably already knows because she's the only one with a Pip-Boy for miles and none of the soldiers would be dumb enough to try taking it from her while she's still breathing.

Once they've righted themselves, Ruby hides behind the cabinet her Pip-Boy hit as Lucius lifts Caesar's body off the ground and back to bed. "I, uh... I see you're awake, sir. Are you okay?"

"Do I _look_ okay to you?" Caesar grunts in response and, though Ruby can't see him from her current position, the anger in every word penetrates her cover. "The whole point of dragging that fucking asshole doctor back here from Freeside was to help me. But, as far as I'm concerned, he's only made things worse. Never should have let him touch me. I swear to- _argh, goddamnit_. Fucking headaches."

The words hang overhead like gamma radiation, and Ruby feels her blood run so cold that it nearly stops her heart. Hopefully this is just a sick joke, because that doctor bastard was supposed to fix whatever was wrong with Caesar's brain, not make it worse. 

"No," she says, aloud, before she can stop herself. "That isn't funny. Stop it."

As the words leave her mouth, both heads turn toward her. Lucius looks horrified, but it's the expression on Caesar's face that breaks her, because she can tell just by looking at him that everything he said is the truth.

"Shit," he says, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry, little one. This isn't how I wanted to tell you, but... it's as I feared. We're out of time."

Just hearing the words sends her reeling, as though he just speared her in the chest. She wants to run, but she can't catch her breath and anxiety keeps her rooted firmly in place, legs trembling as they threaten to drop her like a sack of produce. 

"But we did everything right," she squeaks pitifully, aware of how childlike she sounds. "How did it- never mind. We fixed you then, and we'll fix you now."

She draws herself proudly to her full height, head held high, as she crosses the room, a steely determination settling in her stomach. "You," she says to Lucius, in a voice that's calm and confident- everything she's not right now- as she disguises the quiver in it with a cough. "Bring me Arcade Gannon. Bring me his head on a fucking pike, if you have to. And I don't care if he comes willingly or not, I only care that you get him here. I'm only going to tell you once."

Lucius' eyes are alight, like those of a scared puppy. His eyes drift back and forth between Ruby and Caesar for a moment before doing exactly as he's told. She's surprised that he listened to her, since he'll almost certainly face Caesar's wrath for disobeying a direct order- maybe she will, too. But she doesn't care. Any punishment she faces now will be worth it, if there's even a ghost of a chance that her insubordination could be what saves him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the moment Ruby has spent her entire life waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been super into my OC lately. But hit a slump with that, and here we are.
> 
> Themes: [Like The Pain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUjVYiXynKQ) by Watt White.

#### Now: 

When Ruby wakes, the sun has already begun to rise. It hangs in the sky, red as blood and her hair and the rage that still smolders deep inside like an eternal flame, and the light nearly blinds her as she opens her eyes. She dreamed of Caesar again last night and, other than not being able to see his face, everything was exactly as it had been the day her world ended. That doctor bastard had been there too, and just thinking about him makes her angry: he had some nerve, dying before she had the chance to do the honours.

The dream lingers for a moment, ghost fingers on her cheek- it's as vague as the Jet-induced hallucinations she once had of her parents, blurring dreams and memories until she can no longer tell them apart. But, when she steps outside, it all comes flooding back: the former sharecropper farm is a smoking ruin, littered with dead crops and the burnt bodies of all who had called it home, soldiers and civilians alike. Caesar is still gone, and the world is just as bleak and broken as it ever was. 

She meets Lucius and Edward at the water pump, though she notices that the guard doesn't speak to her as she appears. Perhaps he's regretting his temporary lapse in judgment, but it's the furthest thing from her mind right now; she'll deal with his insubordination once this whole ordeal is behind them.

Today's the day she gets Crocker, though she hasn't yet decided what she'll do with him when she gets him. She'll kill him, of course, though not immediately- it's no fun that way, though waiting too long makes her twitchy, just like Edward. It's a matter of balance- dangling a scrap of hope in his face, just to yank it away, rinse and repeat for as long as it takes to give her the Jet-like high she's missed all these years.

Of course, it'll look suspicious as fuck if she shows up at the embassy gates with an army. So she changes into civilian clothes and moves out alone; Lucius, Edward, and the elite guard follow a few minutes later, also in casual attire; the Raiders are last, splitting into pairs or small groups as they head out. To anyone on the outside, it will seem perfectly ordinary- just another day on the Strip, throngs of tourists making their way to Vegas in hopes of getting rich, only to blow it all on one bad bet at the card table. Only she knows otherwise.

When they arrive at the embassy, she claims she's witnessed a terrible crime and needs to see the ambassador immediately. Crocker is way older than she remembers, with graying hair and crinkles in the corners of his eyes. He's probably someone's grandfather, or even great-grandfather, now, and she almost forgets that she's looking at the man who's responsible for her parents' deaths, until he looks up and realization comes over them both.

"Wait... You're Ranger Santerre's girl, aren't you?"

She nods cordially, willing her expression to remain neutral, and he smiles. "I thought so," he says, setting his paperwork aside. "Ruby, isn't it? You're a little older than the last time we met, but that hair of yours doesn't exactly blend in. It's just like your mother's, and you have your father's eyes, God rest their souls. In any event, what have you been up to, my dear?"

He offers her a drink, which she declines. She can't risk losing her nerve- not now, when she's so close to her goal. For the past twenty years, her entire life has hinged on ridding the world of the New California Republic, starting with this man, and she needs a clear mind to follow through on that purpose.

"Oh, not much," she says, not meeting his eyes. "Spent a few years out east, getting into some crazy shit, as young people do. Then I started a family of my own, and moved us all back here."

It's not exactly a lie. Edward may be her only biological relative, but her Legion is her family: Lucius, the Raiders... and, of course, Caesar himself.

Crocker nods. "Well, you and your family are always welcome on the Strip, Miss Ruby. It's the least I can do, after-"

"No one calls me that anymore," she says, cutting neatly through his words. "My friends call me Juliet, but you? You can call me _Caesar_."

She flashes the laurels pinned to her outfit and smiles in that cartoonish, sinister way she's been practicing specifically for this occasion. Crocker's eyes widen in horror- he wasn't expecting this plot twist, and it shows on his face. 

"What?" he stammers, incredulous. "The monorail station. All the camps reduced to embers. The ghost who's been burning down settlements and scaring my soldiers... That was you?"

He looks terrified, which is exactly what she hoped for, and she nods proudly. "It's your fault," she says, swallowing over the sob in the back of her throat. "You took my parents, my family, my whole life... Everything I loved is gone, because of you."

She slams her fist on his desk, sending papers flying everywhere, but doesn't strike him. Instead, she glares as though hoping that he'll combust on the spot with the sheer force of her rage. Crocker moves to stand, but she grabs him by the collar and forces him back into his seat. 

"I see," he responds calmly- or at least what he thinks constitutes calm. "Caesar was a thorn in my side for years. And, while I can't say I'm sorry he's gone, I am sorry for your loss, little one."

_Little one._

Just hearing it makes her want to scream. No one calls her that, at least if they want to continue living.

"Fuck you," she simmers, unsheathing Gehenna as she moves toward him. "Call me that again, and I will burn everything you love."

She points the shiskebab directly at his face- not touching, but close enough to leave a mark- as a maniacal laugh slips from her mouth. "Just so you know," she continues, her voice clipped and firm, as she points to the doorway. "There are about a thousand soldiers in that crowd. They answer to me, and they'll do whatever I ask of them. So we can either do this your way or mine, and I assure you it'll be much easier if you come willingly." 

Crocker stands, raises both hands in the air. "You're not going to kill me, are you?"

In response, Ruby laughs- it's a cold, hollow, emotionless laugh, and she's a bit rattled by how much she sounds exactly like her dead husband. "Kill you?" she replies, with a cute toss of her head. "Where's the fun in that? No, I have better plans for you."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels. Lots of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, poor Ruby. *cries in a corner*
> 
> This was a tough one to write. Say what you will about these two trash humans, but we all want to protect the ones we love. 
> 
> Theme: [Burn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gStLzynyYJo) by Nathan Wagner.

#### Then:

The sun has just begun to set, and the clash of machetes can be heard in the distance as Ruby keeps a quiet vigil at Caesar's bedside. The interior of the tent is dark, though a lone candle illuminates her immediate surroundings, casting ominous shadows on the walls as she stares at the ground. 

Beside her, Caesar sleeps, just as he has every day since she and Lucius found him face-down on the dirt floor. He can no longer walk and, ever since the headaches started again, he's been refusing food and water- the pile of untouched sustenance on the strategy table grows larger by the hour, and yet he does nothing to stop himself from wasting away.

_How did it ever come to this?_

It feels like an eternity but, finally, he stirs, clumsily pulling himself into an upright position with a sound that reminds Ruby of a dying deathclaw. It's painful to watch, and she offers her hand, even though she knows he won't take it. He has too much pride for that, and it would seem that he's determined to die before he accepts any more of her help.

"Please," she whispers, choking down the sob that tries to escape her. "Take this."

She leans over, offering him the can of purified water she's been holding since the last time she tried. She's been doing this every day for nearly a week, with the same result every time- it's the very definition of insanity, and yet she keeps trying because she's not ready to let go.

But Caesar shakes his head. "Why?" he demands, turning away from her as he shields his eyes from the candlelight. "So I can buy myself another day? Or two, or ten? No, little one... It's done."

His voice breaks on the last word as he leans back against the pillow. "It doesn't matter now," he continues, though the words are muffled by the blankets. "We did everything we could, but it wasn't enough. It's never enough. And now, I can't even fucking die without it being about you."

Incensed, Ruby leaps to her feet, her eyes burning as though the room is full of smoke and cazador venom. "It _is_ about me, asshat. Once you're gone, what do I have?"

"Another half-century on this-"

"Yeah, dickweed," she interrupts, willing herself not to cry, even as the tears begin to fall. "Alone."

She can't see his face, so she instead watches his body for a response as she allows her words to sink in. As usual, he doesn't show his hand- he keeps his cards close and won't reveal a damn thing, unless she fights for it. But, deep down, they both know she's right: he doesn't have long, and the only world she'll know is one in which they are separated forever.

After a few minutes of silence, Caesar turns to face her. "You have your husband."

Ruby scowls. "Lanius is _not_ my husband. I hate him, and he'll never be anything to me."

She crosses her arms, then stares him down as she holds out the can of water again. The tears are falling freely now, leaving trails in the dust and dirt on her cheeks, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. 

"Please," she begs this time, her voice cracking as she forces down another sob. "Don't do this. I-"

_I'm not ready to be alone._

If only she'd never taken possession of that damn chip, or Benny had finished the job properly back in Goodsprings, she'd be either too high or too dead to care. It's as though she's learned nothing from her parents' deaths and, if they could see her now, they'd undoubtedly have something to say about the questionable decisions that led her here in the first place. Not that she can change any of it- she's let her guard down, fallen too hard, and she's paying for it now. 

"I never should have come here," she sobs, bravely swatting at both eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. "I should have run away, gone back to Freeside and punched those guards so full of holes that no one would ever know they were human. I'd have Jet. I'd have-"

"Stop," Caesar says at last, taking the can from her and setting it down on the nightstand, still untouched. "That's enough, little one. If you want to go home, fine- you aren't a slave, and I've never kept you here against your will. So leave, if you want to. But, for what it's worth, I... I'd rather you didn't."

He looks so tired, so broken, and Ruby's heart clenches in her chest as she nods. They both know she isn't going anywhere.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby and her army head to The Divide, and Crocker's just there for the torture-y bits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said at the top, she's crazier than a bag of starving mole rats.
> 
> Theme: [My Domain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIdWQ-iVDd4) by Svrcina.

#### Now:

Ruby stands at the entrance to The Divide, her army in tow as she pushes the door open. Her legs are aching and she can't remember the last time she ate a full meal, but she's so close to her goal that none of it matters. 

The graffiti on the walls is a nod to her humble origins: _Go home, Courier Six_. But she isn't Courier Six anymore- she's Caesar now, leader of the greatest army to ever walk the Mojave. The Divide didn't break her; it made her stronger. And Crocker's probably wishing that Benny had finished the job he started, though Benny died screaming like a little bitch.

_As will all our enemies, little one._

Even though she doesn't remember his face, she can hear Caesar's voice in her head as though he's standing right here, guiding her as she rids the world of the scourge that is the NCR. If only he had lived long enough to witness her transformation from courier to warlord, perhaps they could have reshaped the entire wasteland together, one bureaucratic idiot at a time.

"Look at it," she says to a terrified Crocker, a smug grin spreading slowly across her face. "Beautiful, isn't it? I did this- all of it, gladly. Just imagine what I can do to you."

Crocker whimpers in response. He's been bound and gagged, outfitted with a shock collar; Edward has been giving him just enough food and water to keep him alive, punishing him if he refuses, though he's careful not to overdo it because Ruby has made it clear that she wants him alive... for now. 

"Answer her, profligate," Edward hisses, holding the barrel of his shotgun to Crocker's temple as he removes the gag. "Or I'll cut your tongue out."

"Y...yes, Lady Caesar. It's beautiful. Very."

Edward replaces the gag, and the group moves further into the remains of Hopeville. The town is a crater, a cracked and twisted hellscape, with crumbling buildings atop a swath of orange and red that cuts it down the middle. Ashton is more of the same. But there's something beautiful about the chaos, the unbridled destructive energy of it all, and Ruby wonders for a moment if Caesar saw the same in her.

_I won't let you down. I promise._

The aptly-named Courier's Mile looks like a missile hit it- accurate, since that's exactly what happened that fateful day. She should have known better than to mess with all those buttons and knobs, since she had no idea what any of them did or what kind of events she'd be setting in motion by touching them. Then again, the same could be said of all decisions, including questionable ones.

"Look," she chirps brightly, her lips curving upward, as she motions Crocker forward. "Do you like it? I made it just for you, so you'd better."

He doesn't move at first, though Edward shoves him in her direction. His face is bruised and bloodied, the rope burns on his wrists an angry red; he looks thoroughly broken, just as Caesar did in the days leading up to his death- a slow, agonizing affair that would have been far worse, if not for her last vial of Med-X. She only regrets that Crocker's suffering will end much faster than Caesar's did, though there are infinite possibilities: fire, radiation, eaten alive by deathclaws... or maybe all of them at once.

She removes the gag carefully, so as not to tear it, then blindfolds him with it as Edward cuts the ropes that bind his arms. He's too weak to run, not that he'd get far, even if he did.

"You'll love it, I'm sure," she taunts, pulling her combat knife from its holster. "Just try not to scream, okay? The Divide hears everything."

Her arm shakes as she carves a cross into his forehead, like the ones on her guards, but bigger. She wants the Republic to know that this was her work- that the Legion is back, and it will be her name, not Caesar's, that they whisper in hushed tones, for fear that uttering it will summon her. The wasteland will run red with NCR blood, and they'll all know it was her. The Mojave never forgives, or forgets. 

Crocker moans slightly, but quiets when Edward kicks him in the shin. Ruby smiles, then wipes the blood on the hem of her tunic before unsheathing Gehenna from her pack. The weapon immediately springs to life, illuminating her face in its otherworldly glow; he can't see her, but that doesn't make it any less satisfying. 

"Welcome home, Ambassador."

His clothes ignite almost immediately beneath Gehenna's blade, and he screams this time- a long, hollow groan that cracks the silence as the scent of fresh blood draws The Divide's creatures out of hiding. Ruby watches amusedly for a moment as he staggers blindly around- he doesn't know when the suffering will end, or how, only that it will. Just like Caesar.

She's so mesmerized by it all that she doesn't even notice as Edward takes her arm and leads her back toward the desert. But she follows and, for the first time in twenty years, feels at peace as the smells and sounds of imminent death linger in her brain.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels. All of them. You're welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was appropriate that Caesar (in typical Caesar fashion) tries to cover up the fact that he actually cares about what happens to Ruby once he's gone by pontificating and imparting some life-lesson bullshit on her instead. Press F to pay respects.
> 
> Theme: [Died Inside](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmq8Pf5RUvk) by Alexa Ray.
> 
> _Hold on a little longer,_   
>  _you can be strong for one more night._   
>  _You’re the one no longer here,_   
>  _but I’m the one who died inside._

#### Then:

Sneaking has never been Ruby's strong suit. She's the type to kick down doors and smash things, the proverbial bull in a china shop. But tonight is different, because it's a matter of life and death.

It's been a week, perhaps two, since she's seen the inside of Caesar's tent. It's heavily guarded most days- he was adamant that she didn't need to see him like this, and the infighting has gotten so bad that no one but Lucius is allowed in or out, without a direct order. She knows it's for the best, especially since Lanius would have her head, if he knew what she's been planning, but she doesn't care.

She hides behind a stack of crates, watching from the shadows as she waits for her cue. Lucius is going to distract the guards just long enough for her to sneak in, then send Lanius as far away from Fortification Hill as possible, to minimize her chances of getting caught. If their plan backfires, she's as good as dead, but maybe that's not such a bad thing, under the current circumstances.

Suddenly, there's shouting. Lots of shouting, followed by an explosion near the mess hall. The Praetorians move to investigate, and Ruby waits until the coast is clear before scurrying through the shadows and into the tent. Once she's inside, she makes her way through the throne room, knowing that she'll have some explaining to do when she reaches the other side. No doubt Caesar will want to know what happened to the guards who were supposed to be watching the entrance, as well as how she got past them in the first place.

When she reaches Caesar's quarters, he's sitting upright in bed, a spear in one hand. Upon seeing her, though, he sets the weapon down and rubs his eyes.

"Little one? Is that really you, or am I already dead?"

His voice is weak with exhaustion, a shadow of itself. But Ruby's heart still leaps into her throat when she hears it, and she can't run to him fast enough. "It's me," she says, her lips trembling as she fights to form the words. "It's really me."

As she says it, he reaches out to touch her face, as though he doesn't believe her at first. Her skin grows red and hot beneath his fingers as they move from her cheek to her jaw, her neck, her shoulders... Her heart pounds in her ears like a time bomb, and she fights back tears as realization comes over him and he grabs her arm, pulling her into a kiss that disarms her just as much as it tears her apart from inside.

A few seconds later, he stops, though his thumb lingers on her chin even as he withdraws from her. "Shit," he says under his breath, before dropping his gaze to the floor. "You're a commanding officer's wife now, Juliet. If Lanius finds you here, he'll kill you. Forget what just happened and get out of here before-"

Ruby shrugs. "He's taken care of. But, even if he wasn't, I'd still risk it."

"Taken care of, you say?" Caesar looks surprised. "How did you- on second thought, don't answer that. It doesn't matter anyway."

He lifts her up and into his lap without much trouble. He's retained most of his upper-body strength, though the movement only looks effortless- by the time he sets her down, his arms are shaking and there's visible fatigue carved into the corners of his face. It hurts so much to see him like this, and she'd do anything to take even a sliver of it.

"Damn it," she says, choking down a sob as the first wave of tears cascades down her cheek. "Damn it all. I promised myself I wasn't going to cry, but I just... Fuck. I wish we'd never met. If only I'd never come here-"

Caesar's expression changes with her words, which is heartbreaking it itself- that he's stopped making her fight for whatever little pieces of himself he's willing to give is telling, because it means he's too tired to play the usual game of _whoever cares less wins_. "No," he says, his voice breaking on the word. "Don't say that. I would rather drop dead this instant than live another hundred years without knowing you. I just wish we had more time."

"I know," she replies, her heart cracking right down the middle. "So do I."

Not knowing what else to do, she falls forward into his arms, tucking her head under his chin. One of his arms circles her waist, anchoring her in place with a hand on the curve of her hip as the other moves to the back of her neck. "I'm sorry," he says, planting a tender peck atop her head. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but... Maybe in another life, we'll have forever. I can't give you that now, but we still have tonight."

It's meant to be comforting, but there's fear in his voice that drives a stake right through Ruby's chest. And so, she nods, not trusting herself to speak, because she knows the words will fail her. Neither of them is ready for this, but she needs to be strong, if only to make the end a little easier.

"Fuck," she finally gasps, barely containing the sob that threatens to break her in half. "I hate this. I hate it. It's just not fucking fair."

"Life isn't fair, little one," Caesar answers, more confidently this time. "It's supposed to hurt. All growth is suffering- look at the world around you; maybe it's not as pretty as I hear it once was, but it still goes right on turning. One day, you'll look back on this and realize it made you stronger."

He's right, of course, but that knowledge brings Ruby little peace in the moment. She doesn't need strength; what she needs is for this to not be happening, or perhaps a mega-dose of Jet to wipe her memory clean of everything that's transpired within these walls. But neither is an option, which hurts still more.

"But I don't _want_ to be stronger. I want you to stay with me."

Anguish pools in her gut, tears pricking the corners of her eyelids like cazador stings as she gulps a breath of air over the lump in her throat. She lets out a deep, shuddering sigh, and he swallows it, crushing her mouth beneath his like his life depends on it. And, right now, maybe it does.

"We don't always get to choose our paths, Juliet," he says, tilting her chin downward so that she's looking at him. "If we could, this story would have a different ending. But I don't regret it. Every single step of this journey has been worth it. And, even if I was given the chance to do it over, I would still have chosen you... every time, in every version of reality there is. It's always been you, little one. It will always be you."

As he says it, something inside her snaps. The ball of tension in her lungs unfurls, and she lets go, unable to stop the tears; she's sobbing openly now, and breathing feels impossible, the pain in her chest so intense that she's convinced she might die from it. Is it possible to die from a broken heart? Maybe. But the only thing she's sure of is that all the chems in the world won't fix her after this.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with a party, an orgy, and a massive reveal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Mad Queen cometh!
> 
> CW: orgy, drug use, referenced non-con.
> 
> Theme: [Empire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8CZO3xA8jU) by Beth Crowley.

#### Now:

By the time the group returns to Fortification Hill, there's palpable excitement in the air. Crocker has been dealt with and, other than the Raider who got stabbed in the throat back at the sharecropper farm, everyone is alive and well; it's a cause for celebration, if ever there was one, and Ruby wishes that Caesar was here to mark the occasion with them.

_You said this would all make me stronger. But when?_

A few Raiders have lit a bonfire and are roasting a bighorner on a spit, laughing as they paint their faces with the blood. There's booze and chems, and music; Juno is playing a guitar she picked up along the way, and Diana accompanies her on a makeshift snare drum, comprised of a metal bucket and a couple of spoons, while a few people sing tribal songs interspersed with the Nuka-Cola theme that played on repeat back at Nuka-World... Ruby hates that song, but it's all many of them know, so she tolerates it for now.

Someone offers her Jet, but she declines. She promised Caesar that she wouldn't, and that he's dead doesn't matter; other than that one brief relapse, in the Searchlight caves after running from this place, she's stayed true to her word. It's one thing for a Raider or a soldier to surrender to baser instincts, but she's their leader- may as well spit on his grave and surrender her title if she gives in now.

Of course, the festivities wouldn't be complete without the orgy- a pile of at least twenty bodies, mostly men- that's currently happening in the corner, and Ruby shakes her head as she clocks Edward right in the middle of it. At his age, she'd probably have done the same and jumped headfirst into the action, but those days are long gone.

_Oh, to be young and unburdened again._

The only person she hasn't seen yet tonight is Lucius. He hasn't spoken to her since the slaughter at the sharecropper farm, and it feels like he's been avoiding her. She isn't sure why but, if she had to guess, he's probably trying to escape punishment for his insubordination. He's been on her side since the beginning, her last link to Caesar, and her only real ally since his death- she's not sure why he's chosen now to desert her, but it hurts anyway.

She finds him sitting alone at a table in the throne room, hands clasped and resting against his forehead as though deep in prayer, and the weight of what's to come hangs over her like a cloud of smoke and fire. Lucius is her most trusted advisor, the closest she has to a friend; he's old now, and it's entirely possible that his crisis of conscience was triggered by an age-related illness. But, if she doesn't make an example of him, the others who look to her might mistake it for weakness. This is why Caesar hadn't told anyone that he was dying, until he was beyond help- he thought someone might take advantage of his condition to stage a coup and, now that she's older, she understands, exactly as he said she would.

"We need to talk, Praetor."

Lucius nods, though he doesn't look at her. "Yes, Lady Caesar. We do."

He stands up, keeping his eyes glued to the floor until he's standing directly in front of her. The torch in the corner illuminates his face in its otherworldly glow, making him look like a ghost. But Ruby isn't afraid of ghosts, or old men pretending to be them- she's not like Caesar. She's not dying or crippled, and she still has more than enough strength left to defend her title from those who would attempt to steal it.

"Is this about-"

Before she can finish the sentence, Lucius cuts her off. "It is," he says, his voice wavering slightly. "I was all for rebuilding the Legion, Juliet; I accepted my responsibilities, and I was prepared to do whatever came with the territory. But what you did to those people..."

Ruby frowns and crosses her arms. "Acceptable civilian casualties," she says, in a crude imitation of Ambassador Crocker's voice. "They weren't with us, therefore they were against us."

"No," he interrupts, his voice rising in volume and intensity. "They weren't. You wanted justice for Caesar, for your parents. You're angry that they were taken from you, and at the NCR for allowing it. But these people weren't soldiers, or even NCR citizens- they were innocent people, just trying to survive. They did _nothing_ to deserve what happened to them."

Except that he's wrong. No one is innocent, these people least of all- in seeking the Republic's protection, they are responsible for her parents' deaths, as well as Caesar's, and they are all equally guilty. Every man, woman, and child among them is just as culpable as the ones who dealt the killing blows all those years ago.

"But what happened to Caesar-"

"Stop," Lucius orders calmly, but firmly. "You know, as I do, that Caesar was very ill. Those people didn't kill him. His body did. And maybe we didn't always see eye to eye, but there was method to his madness- what you've done is just madness, and I cannot, will not, let you run everything he built into the ground."

"Let me?" she roars. " _Let me?_ No, that's not how this works, Praetor. I give the orders, not you. Speak to me like that again, and I'll have you executed."

Even as the words leave her lips, she wonders if she has the courage to follow through with the threat she's made. In all her years, she never imagined that Lucius- gentle, kind Lucius, who's looked out for her from the day she first set foot in Legion territory- would be the one she'd say such things to. But, now that it's out there, she'll have to follow through, lest others attempt the same. 

"So be it," he says, almost as if he knows damn well that she won't have the guts to make good on her word. "If that's true, then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, Lady Caesar. But you're starting to sound an awful lot like your husband."

He doesn't even have to say his name for the insinuation to get under her skin. But, instead of flying into a blind rage, she explodes into a fit of laughter cold enough to bring about nuclear winter in the middle of August. "Don't compare me to that idiot," she orders, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Lanius was weak- he didn't deserve to be in charge, and that's why I got rid of him."

Lucius stares at her in horror. "You _what?_ "

It's the first time she's told anyone her secret, though Lucius' reaction is not what she'd anticipated. His eyes are wide with shock, and it looks like he might drop from a heart attack on the spot. "It's true then," he says, his body swaying like a pendulum as he shakes his head. "All those people, all those lives... You were supposed to help us; instead, you betrayed us. So many good men dead, and all for nothing. Their blood is on your hands!"

"No," she insists, folding her arms across her chest as though they're armour his words can't penetrate. "It was Caesar's will. But, even if it wasn't, Lanius deserved what he got, and I'd do it again if I could."

After everything Lanius did to her, stabbing him in the throat was a lot nicer than what he deserved. And, in Lucius' defense, he couldn't have known what unspeakable things had transpired inside the marriage tent. But that he's turned on her now can only mean that he's been planning this for some time. How long has he been conspiring against her, and why?

The guard shakes his head. "What you did was murder."

"It was mercy!" she yells, with all the conviction she can muster. "If we lost, Lanius would have killed us all anyway. It was either him or me, and a bullet to the head is a lot kinder than anything he would have done. So, instead of lecturing me on why I shouldn't have killed the man who raped me and tried to steal my throne, maybe you should be thanking me for saving your lives."

Lucius narrows his eyes at her. "Is that so? I'm sure all ten of them are very grateful. Ten, out of thousands, and only because I promised Caesar that I'd protect you. If I hadn't turned myself into a moving target, led the snipers on a wild goose chase around the Dam, you'd all be dead today. I saved _your_ life, not the other way around."

Just then, Edward bursts into the tent, followed closely by Juno and Diana. "Is everything all right, Mother?"

Ruby doesn't respond, though her entire frame trembles violently with rage. Of course it's not _all right_ \- she's angry and hurt, and she's never felt so betrayed, not since she was forced to marry Lanius in the first place. Caesar had promised her that it would all make her stronger one day, but she doesn't feel strong; right now, she's a scared little girl again, and she wishes desperately that he was here to shield her from all of this. 

"Lock him up," she sputters, leveling her gaze at Lucius. "You're lucky I like you, Praetor. One more step out of line, and I'll lash you to a cross just like the degenerates you tried to protect. Don't let me down again."

She nods at Edward, who takes the guard by the arm and leads him to the makeshift prison beneath the weather station. Her heart thuds loudly in her eardrums, and she stares after them, a sinking feeling in her stomach. Caesar was right- it's lonely at the top, and she can't trust anyone. Not anymore. 

But Lucius is the first to make an idiot of her, and he'll be the last; if they don't respect her, they'll fear her.

**Author's Note:**

> Ruby's theme: [The Chain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2kgcpZX42w) by Evanescence.


End file.
